


Out Of My League

by mrbarbacarisi



Series: Pitcher Sonny Carisi AU [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Baseball, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dating, Established Relationship, Fluff, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M, New York Mets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-01-16 06:39:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 34,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12337491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrbarbacarisi/pseuds/mrbarbacarisi
Summary: Rafael was never into sports. Given the choice, he would rather spend an evening on Broadway than at a baseball game. But that changed when he saw the sexy relief pitcher Sonny Carisi walk onto the field.





	1. Ya Gotta Believe

Rafael rushed into the coffee shop and walked briskly to the back of the line. He needed coffee and he needed it now. He ran out of his supply at the office. Carmen had informed him that he was on his own until the entire building restocked at the end of the week.

He had only had two cups that day. By 2 p.m., he was usually on his fourth or fifth. He was way overdue for a caffeine fix and was developing a headache. He definitely needed a cup before he was to appear in court that afternoon. Unfortunately, the line wasn't moving. At all.

He picked the local coffee shop over the Starbucks around the corner, knowing that the bigger chain would be packed at this time of day. He would have swung by a coffee cart, but today he needed a quality double-shot espresso to make up for his short fall. He was now regretting his choice. At least Starbucks knew how to keep a line moving.

Rafael leaned around the tall man in front of him, counting the customers in line.

"The guy up front has like five super specific orders," the man said with a ridiculous Staten Island accent.

Rafael looked up. He had about four inches on him. Clear blue eyes. Dark blond hair. He was thin but toned. His shirt was maybe half a size too small. Probably on purpose. Rafael already disliked him.

"You can hear that way up there?" Rafael smirked.

The guy rolled his eyes. "Yeah and how's the weather down there?"

"How original," Rafael muttered.

"Hey, you started it."

"It's not my fault you're stupidly tall." And there went his manners. He _really_ needed caffeine.

But instead of scowling and turning away, the man just laughed.

“Maybe all the caffeine is stunting your growth.” Rafael didn't get a word in before he offered his hand. "I'm Dominick, but you can call me Sonny."

Rafael didn't accept the handshake. “Two names. Both terrible. No wonder you’re from Staten Island.”

Sonny laughed even as he lowered his hand. “And what can I call you, Mr. Manhattan?”

“Rafael. Not that it matters. Doubt we'll see each other again. I only stopped here for a quick pick-me-up before court."

"Court, huh?" His eyes trailed over his body, taking in his three-piece suit. "You must be a lawyer."

Rafael nodded and then saw the line moving. Sonny noticed and stepped forward.

" _Finally_ ," Rafael sighed. The line should move much faster now, hopefully. Then he could head back to his office to run over his notes before court. Next time, he'd just stick with Starbucks.

"What kinda law do you practice?"

Rafael had assumed that Sonny would stop talking to him after finding out he was a lawyer. Most perfect strangers did. But this man seemed genuinely interested.

"Criminal," he replied, hoping that would shut down the conversation. No one wanted to hear about the criminal justice system on their coffee break.

But that only spurred him on. "Defense or prosecution? How long have you been practicing?"

Rafael narrowed his eyes. "What is this? Twenty questions?"

The line moved again. Now Sonny was at the register.

“What do you want?” he asked Rafael.

He blinked and said “Double espresso” before he realized he had spoken.

Without even hesitating, Sonny ordered a latte and his espresso in the shop's largest size. He paid and the barista handed over the espresso instantly. Sonny passed it to Rafael.

"Why did you do that?" Rafael asked.

"Least I could do after annoying you in line," he shrugged. "Oh and I'll pay for the next order too. Since that nice young lady had to listen to us squabble." He offered her a bright smile and placed a $50 bill on the counter. "Keep the change."

The barista thanked Sonny profusely. The woman behind Rafael echoed the sentiment.

Great. He was one of those people. Giving money to seem like a charitable person when he was really just using it to brag. Rafael very much disliked him now.

"Good luck in court, Counselor." Sonny turned that winning smile on him. It was incredibly annoying.

"I don't need it," he replied.

Sonny shook his head and walked toward the pickup area. Rafael breezed past him and out the door. He didn't even think to thank the man himself until he was already three blocks away.

  


* * *

  


A week later, Rafael was having a very successful day. He landed his opening statement perfectly. His witnesses were solid on the stand. One of them stumbled during cross, but he easily corrected it with a redirect. By the time the judge put them in recess, Rafael felt he had efficiently set up their case to the jury. He had a feeling they were already leaning his way. Tomorrow's evidence would cement it. Then the victim would receive the justice she deserved.

"Good job in there, Rafael," Olivia offered outside the courtroom.

"You made it easy on me this time. It's a good case."

"We actually _are_ good at our jobs."

"Sometimes," he smirked.

She smiled at the jest and the glanced down at her phone. "I gotta go. But we'll see you tonight, right?"

Rafael had completely forgotten about Amaro's casual season opener party. Apparently, the squad were all Mets fans of some sort and just _had_ to watch the game together. He had reluctantly agreed to attend at Olivia's urging. He regretted it now. It had already been such a long day, but it would be rude to back out now.

"Yeah. See you then," he said.

She nodded, smiled, and left.

Rafael sighed. Unlike most males in America, he had never been into sports of any kind. He would rather spend his evening attending a Broadway performance than watching a baseball game. Hell, he'd rather spend it alone in the dark in his apartment doing absolutely nothing. At least then he would be able to think clearly without nonsense statistics and commentary running through his head.

He didn't know much about baseball, but he knew enough that the game wouldn't have a clock. Because baseball was too sentimental for a time limit. The length of the game depended entirely on the players' ability to score points. Meaning, it could basically go on forever. It was going to be a long, dull night.

  


* * *

  


The party turned out to be just as he expected. Boring, boring, and more boring. The only saving grace was that Amaro thankfully had scotch. It had been enough to get him through the teasing, the sports talk, and the first five innings.

That was when his other saving grace Olivia ducked out. Traitor. He had planned to leave after the sixth or seventh inning. He could go now, but he had just poured another glass. It would be a waste to leave it. He sat quietly through the sixth inning, zoning out for most of it.

Rafael was getting ready to make his exit when Rollins started chanting. Quite loudly and right next to Rafael’s ear. She had had more than a few beers by that point.

"CA-RI-SI! CA-RI-SI! CA-RI-SI!”

"The hell?" Rafael demanded, flinching away from the noise.

"Carisi is only one of the best relief pitchers in the league right now," Rollins said at thankfully a normal volume. "Been looking forward to this all night."

"That's debatable," Amaro argued. "He's good, but he's getting a little old."

Fin interjected something about Carisi's strikeout record, but it flew over Rafael's head. He tuned it out.

His eyes were focused on the screen. There was a close up of Carisi as he stepped on the mound. He seemed familiar. Tall and lean. Dark blond hair. Blue eyes.

 _No_. It _couldn't_ be.

Wasn’t the stadium in Queens? What would a Mets player be doing in Manhattan on a Wednesday afternoon? Why in that coffee shop of all places? It made no sense.

Rafael sat there in denial for the next two strikes. When the batter missed on the third strike, Carisi gave a wide grin. The same grin Rafael had seen as he paid for his espresso. It _was_ him.

 _Dios mío_. Rafael had insulted, argued with, and brushed off an MLB pitcher. One who might be a little famous. And downright hot in that uniform. Maybe it was the scotch, but Rafael could swoon at how the fabric hugged Carisi's body. How his muscles rippled when he threw a pitch. How sexy those long legs were as he shifted on the mound.

Dammit. He was too old to have crushes on unattainable men.

"Okay but you gotta admit that Carisi is one of the hottest players on the team," Rollins said as he walked off the field.

Rafael chuckled as her thoughts echoed his. He could probably pass it off as teasing, but she smiled in response.

"We heard this all last season, Amanda," Fin said. "We get it. The boy's attractive."

"What do you think, Counselor?" Rollins asked coyly. The squad knew he was bi. He had been out for years. But he still had a reputation to maintain. One little crush wasn’t going to make him interested in baseball. Rafael hoped it wasn't obvious he had been checking out Carisi's ass.

"I think I should be heading home," he sighed.

"Oh come on. There's still two innings left."

"You're lucky I stayed this long."

“Have a safe trip home, Barba," Amaro offered.

Rafael thanked him and said his goodbyes. Rafael spent half of the cab ride home trying not to look up Carisi. The other half was spent ogling pictures. The uniform really suited him well. The blue base made his blue eyes pop even more. And the few candid photos off the field showed some fashion sense, though it could be improved. He had certainly looked nice in the coffee shop, even if Rafael was too annoyed to notice in the moment.

When he arrived at his apartment, he replayed their conversation in his head. Any other stranger in a coffee shop would have stopped talking to Rafael after the first insult. But he hadn’t. He had even _smiled_ at him. He had even leaned _toward_ him as they talked. Paying for his espresso was more than just politeness. Sonny Carisi had been _flirting_ with him. Openly. In public.

And he had completely missed it. Maybe it was the thick Staten Island accent. Maybe Rafael was just out of practice. He hadn’t been active in the dating scene for at least four years. His work had taken over most of his life, much to his mother’s pride and displeasure.

So, his crush wasn’t completely unattainable — at least as far as feelings were concerned. It was still very unlikely they would meet again, if ever. Well, it was a good story. Rollins would _never_ believe him.


	2. Playbook Review

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael is ~~unhealthily~~ obsessed with Sonny Carisi

Over the next few weeks, Rafael slowly became someone he used to hate: a sports fanatic. In every available free moment, he was reading up on the New York Mets. He looked up their play schedule and tuned into live streams when he was working late. He even subscribed to ESPN. He was obsessed. But he didn’t really care about scores and statistics. The only reason he wanted the Mets to continue into the playoffs was so he could see more of Sonny Carisi. Rafael couldn’t even name anyone else on the team. It was all Carisi, all the time.

He was addicted. He felt like a teenager again. He couldn’t even hear the word “Mets” without his heart skipping in excitement.

When he wasn’t watching playback from a game, he was watching old interviews. Carisi’s ridiculous accent was growing on him. Those dimples were adorable. He was pretty thin. However, whatever he lacked in weight, he made up for in gusto — or at least that's what the commentators said. Rafael still had no idea about half of the terminology they used. Contract law was less confusing.

He had laughed out loud when he found an ancient interview from Carisi’s rookie season. He had a giant, atrocious mustache. Maybe he was trying to look older, but he just looked ridiculous. He was glad he had decided to shave it off. He looked much better without it.

Rafael also discovered that Carisi was involved with several charities supporting causes from food pantries to anti-bullying campaigns to green energy. It seemed Rafael had pre-judged. Maybe he was a bit too exuberant, but it seemed he was being genuinely nice in the coffee shop.

Carisi had also appeared at several Catholic fundraisers and was very open about his faith. Some religious sites claimed him as the perfect Catholic poster boy. (Rafael had smirked at that. If only they knew he had flirted with him.) Rafael wondered how Carisi had time to do anything for himself. His season schedule was intense enough without all of his extra curriculars.

Rafael still hadn’t figured out why Sonny had been in that shop. During a very low moment, Rafael had even gone and asked the barista if she had ever seen him there before. She hadn’t. That had been his only lead, so he gave up. Rafael would have made a very bad detective.

He still hadn’t told any of the _actual_ detectives he knew that he accidentally met the great Sonny Carisi. If he was ever going to mention it, it would have been at the season opener party. Now, too much time had passed. Bringing it up out of nowhere would be weird. It was his little secret now. He kind of liked it that way.

Sometimes, Rafael would wonder how Sonny knew to ask all the right questions regarding his profession. Most people knew that “practice” was the correct verb. Not many non-attorneys thought to ask a criminal lawyer whether he worked for the defense or prosecution. At least not casually and without hesitation while waiting in line for coffee. Maybe Sonny watched a lot of legal dramas. But Rafael thought it was more than that. He may have been overeager, but there was a genuine interest. Maybe Carisi had a brush with the law before. During another low moment, Rafael had even checked his criminal record. It was clean, which left him feeling a little bit like a stalker.

He needed to stop, but he still found himself tuning into every game. Rafael considered getting tickets. Even if he would be many, many feet away, he would be able to see Carisi in person again. The idea was appealing. Unfortunately, it would never work. Rafael was good at his job partly because he had no personal life. It was very likely that SVU would call while he was on his way to the ballpark. Or during the game before Carisi even got to play. It wasn’t worth the time or money when he could get high definition close-ups from his couch. He was already paying for ESPN, after all.

He would just have to settle for watching from afar, like most everyone else.

 

* * *

 

About a month after the season opener, Rafael found himself without coffee. Again. He really needed to buy his own stash for his office. This time, it was on a Sunday. No court, but Olivia had called him in to consult on a case. The perp quickly agreed to a plea deal and would be arraigned on Monday. With that done, Rafael figured he could spend the rest of the day finishing up prep for a trial scheduled to start that week. But first, coffee.

On a whim, he decided to visit the little coffee shop that had started his obsession with Carisi. He wouldn’t be there, but it would be nice to take a walk down memory lane. The shop did have a cozy atmosphere. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to work there for a little while.

As Rafael reached for the door, a man opened it, stumbled out, and bumped into him.

“Watch it,” he said automatically. He had been practically run over by pedestrians on several occasions. They thought they could push him around because he was short. Still, he also some bulk and a sharp mouth. He always defended himself.

“Sorry. Didn’t see you there,” the man apologized, a slight blush tinging his cheeks.

Rafael did a double take. What were the _chances_.

Sonny’s smile slowly spread. “Hey there, Counselor. How’s it going?”

“Uh, I’m fine,” he replied, suddenly starstruck. He was even more attractive than he remembered. He shook his head. He was fairly certain the Mets were playing today. Right at this moment even. “Shouldn’t you be in the dugout?”

"You googled me, huh? I got the day off. Besides, they don’t need me to beat the Rangers. They’re having a rough season.”

Right. He knew that Carisi didn’t play every game. They had 162 games total scheduled for the regular season. It would be unrealistic to think that every player could participate in every single one. He was still disappointed when Carisi didn’t play. Well, except today.

“Are you busy right now?” Sonny asked before Rafael could formulate a response.

“Not really." The trial prep could wait. “Just getting coffee.”

“I’ll join you, if that’s okay.”

“You were just leaving.”

He shrugged. “I didn’t actually drink coffee this time. But their pastries are _absolutely_ amazing.” His smile was even wider now as he gestured back toward the shop behind him.

He had seen this expression before. It wasn’t only game wins and charity donation totals that made him this excited. He was this enthusiastic about every little thing. What a dork.

Rafael smirked. “Before you get any ideas, I’m paying.”

“Treating me, Rafael?”

He valiantly ignored the electric sensation that resulted from hearing his name. He also ignored the swooning feeling caused by the fact that Sonny Carisi had actually remembered it.

“No, I owe you,” he said.

“Fair enough.”

They went inside. Although the shop was packed, there was no wait. They had their orders in hand within two minutes. Sonny led them to sit at one of the small tables near the back. Finally, Rafael could ask his burning question.

“So why were you here last month?”

“Well, I finished touring Fordham Law that morning. This place was next on my list. Their traditional Italian-brewed latte is apparently the best in the whole city. And I thought it was pretty good.”

“You want to go to law school?” That was the last thing Rafael had expected Sonny to say.

“Eventually yeah, after I retire from baseball.”

“Most players just buy a mansion and move on with their lives. Do you really want to go through three years of hell?”

Sonny chuckled. “That’s a ringing endorsement from someone who actually did it.”

Rafael grimaced. “It’s really not fun. I don’t recommend it. _Especially_ when you don’t need the money.”

“Sure. Where did you go?”

“Harvard.”

He let out a low whistle. Rafael stared at the “o” shape he made with his lips. “Fancy smanchy.”

“Maybe you should work on your vocabulary before you apply anywhere.”

He grinned. “I’ll take any advice Assistant District Attorney Rafael Barba has to give.”

He paused on his way to take a sip from his cup. The only details he had given him last time was his first name and his profession. “How could you possibly know that?”

Sonny rubbed the back of his neck. “Believe it or not, there’s only one Rafael registered to the New York Bar and he works in the Manhattan DA’s office.”

Rafael had briefly forgotten the database of registered lawyers was accessible online. He was a little impressed Sonny could piece together who he was with just a few tidbits of information. He was a public figure, but much less prominent than Carisi.

“Nice detective work. You research everyone you meet in a coffee shop?”

“Nah.” A light blush came over his face. “Just the hot ones.”

He was surprised at how open he was being in public. He knew there were no openly gay players in any professional league. (But statistically, there was no way they were all straight.) Wasn’t he worried someone would overhear?

“And you look smokin’ on the news,” Sonny added with a soft smile. Apparently not.

Rafael had given quite a few quotes to news outlets over the years, especially for controversial cases and ones involving celebrities. A lot of those interviews were probably on YouTube somewhere. He felt less ashamed for binging Sonny’s interviews, knowing that he had done the same for him. However, he couldn’t quite believe that Sonny had been just as infatuated with him over the past month. Carisi was a young professional athlete. Rafael was a middle-aged prosecutor. Sonny was pretty far out of his league.

“So do you,” he said. “But you look much better without the mustache.”

He laughed. “Yeah. That was a poor choice on my part.” His blush deepened. “Hey, uh, can I get your number?”

It helped to see visible evidence of Sonny’s nerves. Made it easier to accept the offer. “Bold, Carisi. But yes.”

He didn’t care if this was just a legal infatuation on the other end. Any excuse to see him again would be welcome. Another wide grin. Rafael found himself smiling in return. He wrote his number on a napkin and slid it across the table.

“Great. Wanna go out sometime?”

He paused. “I think you’re supposed to call later and ask that.”

“Is that a yes?” His enthusiasm was no longer annoying, but infectious. Rafael found himself smiling again.

“Can I say I’m surprised? I didn’t really give you the best first impression.”

“What? A phone number’s okay, but a date you gotta think about?”

Rafael shrugged and took a sip of his espresso.

“Okay well. Honestly, it was kinda nice that someone was annoyed with me. I usually don’t get that from strangers anymore.”

He chuckled. Sonny really was something else. The one trait that would turn off most people had sparked his interest. “I’m always like that, you know. Taking me out isn’t going to turn me into a soft teddy bear.”

He cocked his head. “You could say yes so I can find out.”

He smirked. “Then, yes.”

“Awesome. How’s next week?”

“You really don’t hesitate, do you?”

“ _Carpe diem_ , Counselor. You should know what that means.”

“Yes I do and we will work on your Latin pronunciation Thursday.”

“Thursday, huh?” He paused — probably to run over his schedule in his head. Rafael had picked a day he knew the Mets weren’t playing, but that didn’t guarantee Sonny had the night free. He could have other social engagements or a practice that would exhaust him too much for a date. “That works for me. How’s seven?”

“Good.”

“Alright. See you then, Rafael.”

“See you then.” He smiled as Sonny stood and walked out of the shop. Rafael couldn’t help watching him leave. His lanky but muscular legs carried him toward the door. His ass looked even better in person. Rafael found himself wishing it was Thursday already.

 

* * *

 

Rafael spent the next few days anticipating the date. He planned his outfit. Charcoal suit with a blue shirt and tie. Black because it was slimming. The electric blue was a decent contrast. He couldn’t remember the last time he wanted this badly to impress someone.

On Monday, Sonny texted him with the address of a small hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant. He claimed that their famous penne dish was _to die for._ How could Rafael say no to that? (The Yelp reviews certainly backed him up.)

When he saw Carisi playing that week, he felt extra flutters in his stomach. He was no longer unattainable. More than that, he had _asked him out_. Rafael felt like he was living a dream. Never in his life had he imagined even fantasizing about a baseball player and here he was anxiously awaiting a date with one.

By Thursday evening, Rafael was beyond ready. Unfortunately, Olivia had to call him in for a late briefing on their newest case. That was just after six. Now, it was past the half-hour mark. If he didn’t leave soon, he was going to be late.

“Okay. I get it,” Rafael cut off Amaro while he summarized the suspect list. “I still need more before I bring this to court. All of your evidence right now is circumstantial.”

Olivia raised an eyebrow. “We have some good leads. We’ll follow up.”

He didn’t acknowledge her gesture. He also ignored the inquiring look Rollins shot toward Fin. He knew he was being more short than normal. He didn’t need to explain himself.

“Good," he said. "Call me in the morning.”

“We will.”

Rafael nodded and stood, relieved to finally be free. He buttoned his jacket as he walked quickly out of the precinct.

 

* * *

 

Sonny was waiting outside the restaurant when Rafael arrived. He took a moment to drink him in. He was wearing jeans and a deep navy v-neck shirt. Everything hugged his body perfectly. Rafael wasn’t sure how he was supposed to make conversation when he had this view.

Sonny’s grin appeared when he spotted Rafael walking toward him.

“Sorry I’m late,” he said in greeting.

“Nah. Don’t worry about it. I’ve been here like two minutes.” Sonny’s eyes scanned down Rafael’s body. Rafael felt warm at the glint of satisfaction. “But, boy, do I feel underdressed.”

Rafael licked his lips. “I came from work. You look great.”

“Thanks.”

They walked inside together. Sonny led him toward a table on the side. Apparently, this was a seat yourself establishment. Rafael quite liked the casual atmosphere. The smell of freshly prepared food hit him hard. His stomach growled. He hadn’t eaten since that morning. Unfortunately, Sonny heard.

“Hungry?”

“A little. I skipped lunch.”

He shook his head. “You shouldn’t do that.”

“Mothering me already?”

“Just speaking from experience. Your work isn’t as physical as mine, but you definitely don’t want to pass out in court.”

“You passed out on the field?” Rafael was sure he would have seen something about that.

“Yeah. When I was in college. I was a freshman. I got so busy that I forgot to eat. Come time for practice, I got dizzy and collapsed on the field. Scared my ma half to death.”

Rafael smiled. “I thought athletes had all easy classes.”

“Most do. I’m an overachiever. I had two majors and a 3.8 GPA.”

“And you performed well enough on the team to get drafted. Impressive.”

“Nah. I wasn’t planning on going pro. A scout picked me out-”

A waitress came by to take their orders. Rafael chose their famous penne dish. Sonny ordered lasagna and a bottle of wine for the table.

“So you _weren’t_ going to play professionally?” He honestly couldn’t picture Carisi _not_ being a baseball player. It just seemed so natural to him.

“Not originally, no. I wanted to be a cop.”

“Really? Why’s that?”

“I want to help people. I was going to turn them down. I had already applied to the Police Academy. But my sister pointed out to me that I could use the money and the fame to help people even more than I could as a beat cop.”

"And you have. I've seen your charity work."

The waitress returned with their wine and a pair of glasses. Without hesitating, Sonny easily popped the cork. Rafael was distracted by the muscles bulging in his arms. He didn’t hide his staring as Sonny expertly poured them each a glass.

“Like what you see?” Sonny asked as he set the bottle on the table.

Rafael took a sip of his wine. It was a deep red with rich flavoring. Sonny had chosen well. “How often do you work out?”

Sonny laughed. “Often enough. I’m not quite as big as the hitters on the team, but I can hold my own.”

“Oh, you certainly can,” Rafael replied. Suddenly, he was struck with an image of Sonny pinning him to a wall with those arms. Trapping him there while he kissed him roughly. He blinked. Now was not the time. This was a first date; not a booty call. He deserved respect.

Sonny was blushing as he sipped from his own glass. He cleared his throat. “But anyway, enough about me. You went to Harvard? Why did you end up in law school?”

Rafael sighed. His aspirations for pursing the law weren’t nearly as endearing as Sonny’s were. “Originally, it was to satisfy my curiosity. I wanted to be a part of something that made sense. Had order. Logic.”

“So you didn’t want to be a prosecutor?”

“Not at first. After I passed the bar, I spent a few years in corporate law bored off my ass.”

Sonny snorted. “Lots of contracts, right? Sounds terrible.”

“It was. The paycheck made up for it a little. But after awhile I started to feel greedy. I didn’t have any student loans. I went to Harvard on a full scholarship. While I was good at it, the job wasn’t challenging. There was no reason to stay. So I quit.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Just like that?”

Rafael nodded. “Just like that. I spent a few months unemployed. I took up some small pro bono cases from my neighborhood. It felt good. Helping people.”

Sonny smiled softly. “That’s good.”

“I thought about opening my own little one-man practice before a friend told me about a vacancy in the Brooklyn DA’s office. Then, that was all I could think about. I ended up basically begging them to hire me.” He shrugged. “And the rest is history.”

“Well my life sounds kinda boring compared to that.” He smiled and took a sip of his wine.

“Sure because pitching in the Major Leagues is _totally_ uninteresting.”

He sighed and rolled his eyes. Rafael couldn’t remember the last time someone had the confidence to roll their eyes at him. He couldn’t help it. He laughed.

Sonny gave a wide grin. He never stopped smiling, did he? “Something funny?”

“Not really. Just…bewilderment.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Hope that’s a good thing.”

“Don’t worry. It is.”

Their food arrived. Rafael’s stomach growled again at the sight of his penne dish. It smelled amazing. It tasted even better. Sonny groaned audibly at his first bite.

Rafael smirked at him. “That good?”

“Mm-hm. How’s yours?”

“Excellent. Just like you said.”

“What did I tell you? I know my food. I love this place. It’s a shame I can’t come here more often.”

“You’re a busy man, traveling across the country.”

He waved off the comment while chewing another massive bite of lasagna. Sonny _was_ a very busy man. Rafael would go as far as to say that he was maybe even a little busier than himself. Come to think of it...

“Why did you even show up at that coffee shop again Sunday?” Rafael asked.

Sonny swallowed his food and gave him a sheepish look. "Honestly? I was hoping I'd run into you again."

He stared at him. There was no hint of mirth. There was no joke. No teasing.

"You're serious."

"Yeah. I went to that place maybe four times in the past month.” He said it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Because _of course_ he would spend his days off waiting in a tiny shop for Rafael. Why wouldn't he?

"I'm not that special."

Sonny shook his head. "I don't know about that, Rafael. You seem pretty special to me."

Rafael’s heart stuttered at the pure affection on his face. Those were serious words for a first date. But Rafael didn’t think Sonny was trying to charm him. This was just how he was. Earnest, blunt, and entirely genuine.

“Um, thanks, I guess.” Wow. That was clever. Where did his sharp tongue go?

He chuckled. “You’re welcome.”

Sonny picked up the conversation from there. He rambled on about authentic Italian cuisine and his family's old recipes. Turned out he could cook too. He really _was_ the whole package. Rafael shared some of the happier tales from his childhood and law school. They commiserated over annoying coworkers. Some of the stories Sonny had from the clubhouse were downright hysterical.

Sonny couldn't keep his hands still while speaking. He had to illustrate every word with elaborate gestures. Even with food on his fork. This had resulted in a bite of lasagna landing on Rafael's plate. With a smirk, Rafael ate it while Sonny laughed and apologized. The lasagna was also delicious. Maybe he should order lunch from this restaurant.

They both cleaned their plates. When it came time for the check, Sonny insisted on paying. He left an enormous tip. This seemed to be a habit. Rafael wondered how it hadn’t yet gone viral after his years in the spotlight. Maybe people were thrown off by receipts signed as Dominick Carisi Jr. Almost no one referred to Sonny by his legal name on ESPN.

Sonny walked very close to Rafael as they left. Their hands bumped and brushed against each other. Rafael felt warmth spread through him again. He licked his lips.

“I’m assuming you want to keep this quiet for now?” Rafael asked when they were a couple blocks from the restaurant.

Sonny stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and beamed at him. “Does that mean you want to see me again?”

“Yes, I do.” He bit his lip.

Somehow, his smile grew even wider. He stepped closer, leaning into his personal space. Rafael found himself leaning toward him as well.

“Mind if I give you a goodnight kiss?” Sonny murmured.

“Please do.”

He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on Rafael’s lips. Rafael responded readily. He gripped his biceps. Warm hands found his waist. The kiss turned from soft to desperate. Sonny pulled him flush to his body. Rafael slid a hand upward to tangle into his hair. His heart was pounding. Rafael never wanted this to stop — but he had run out of air.

He pulled back, panting. Sonny bent down farther to try to follow him.

Rafael smirked. “Want to take me home with you?”

Blue eyes flashed with want. “Wish I could. I have to be up kinda early tomorrow.”

“Me too. At least we’ll have something to look forward to next time.”

He huffed a laugh. “Don’t know how long I can wait.”

 _Mierda._ Sonny Carisi was going to kill him. There was absolutely no reason he had to be fawning over Rafael like this. Yet, here he was, desperate for more than one goodnight kiss. How could any of this be real?

“Call me.” Rafael reluctantly pulled his hands away from Sonny. He followed suit. They stood barely a foot apart.

“I will,” Sonny promised with what was at least the twentieth smile of the night.

His traitorous heart fluttered in his chest. It was childish and irrational, but Rafael had no idea how he would survive until he saw Sonny again.


	3. Eye On The Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael is smitten and Sonny is almost never in New York

Rafael was smitten. His obsession with Sonny was even worse than before their first date. Now he was constantly daydreaming about him. How he would look when he saw him again. What he would do when he could touch him again. What it would feel like to kiss him again.

Unfortunately, both of them were incredibly busy people. Finding time to be together was a challenge in and of itself. It was especially hard when Sonny had to spend half of his time out of the state. Thank God for modern technology. 

Rafael’s phone buzzed for the fourth time in a row, rattling stray paperclips on his desk. Rafael knew it was Sonny. They had made a habit of keeping in touch throughout the day through mostly flirty texts. It was his new favorite thing. _Why_ did he have to be in the middle of negotiating a plea deal at that moment? 

"Do you need to get that?" Rita asked, glancing at the phone. 

He shook his head. “No. And the registry is non-negotiable for sexual offenses. How many times do I have to tell you that before it will actually sink in?"

"A few more times, I suspect. What about-"

"I'm not going lower than rape two. I have a solid case. That's why you're in here arguing with me instead of prepping for trial."

His phone buzzed for a fifth time. A paper clip fell off the edge and hit the floor. Rafael picked up his phone and put it in his breast pocket. 

"Who's texting you, Rafael?" She pursed her lips. She was on to him. She was curious. And if the use of his first name was anything to go by, she was done negotiating.

He did not want to discuss this with her at the moment. While they were still good friends, she was entirely too nosy about his dating life. Had been ever since Harvard.

"Probably Benson with even more evidence against your client. Want me to call and follow up?"

Her smile was almost predatory. "Oh please do call them. I want to see how cute you look with your flirty face on."

He sighed. Of course she knew it wasn’t a professional connection. "That's not what we're here to discuss."

"Too late. Who is it?"

"No one you know." At least he hoped. Maybe Sonny had her law firm on retainer. He made a mental note to ask him.

"You have give me more than that."

"Nope. It's new and he would rather keep it private for now."

Rita frowned. “Is he in the closet? I thought you were done with that."

"It's not that.” 

At least he didn’t think it was. Sonny had zero issues flirting and kissing in public. But the gossip magazines definitely didn’t know he wasn’t straight. 

Still, it wasn’t uncommon to be out to certain groups of people and not others. Maybe his family knew, but he kept his sexuality and personal life hidden from his public image. As a habit, Sonny had never mentioned or commented on anything regarding his dating life to the press in the past. The public just assumed he was straight because that was how society worked. Straight until proven otherwise. 

“It's...complicated,” Rafael summed up.

Her frown melted away into a look of horror. "Oh my god. Please don't tell me he's a detective."

Rafael laughed. "No. He’s not."

“You said it’s no one I know. But if you and Amaro have been getting it on this entire time, I am going to feel very stupid."

"Amaro? Really?” 

"What? You have a shared background."

Rafael crossed his arms as his phone vibrated _again_. Sonny must be bored. 

"And why do you think I wouldn't be with Tutuola?" He was just joking now. Even if Rafael were interested, Fin probably wouldn’t be. 

Rita snorted. "He's as straight as they come. He's also not your type."

"And what is my type?"

"Tall, cute, younger, dimples preferred." Damn. She knew him too well. If only she knew that she had given an almost spot-on description of Sonny Carisi. 

“Well, like I said, it’s no one you know.”

“Uh huh. I’m not letting this go, Rafael.”

He rolled his eyes. “I didn’t expect you to. Let me know what your client says.”

She nodded and left. Rafael walked out after her to tell Carmen to hold all his calls for the next few minutes.

He sat at his desk and pulled out his phone. He didn’t even glance at the text notifications as he went to call Sonny. Whatever he was talking about, he could tell him instead.

Sonny picked up on the first ring. “Hey there.”

“Hey. What’s up?” Rafael propped his feet up on his desk.

He sighed. “We’re waiting to board our flight.”

“To Los Angeles, right?” The team was already in Chicago. 

“Yup. Hollywood.”

“I feel like every time I talk to you, you’re farther away. Why can’t you just play the Yankees all the time?”

“Wish we could. But the fans probably wouldn’t like that much.”

“Well, screw them then.”

Sonny laughed. "I kinda already am.”

Rafael smiled. He would definitely classify himself as a fan at this point. “I don’t know if it counts as screwing yet.” 

They hadn’t technically made it past first base — unless arm fondling counted for something. Rafael couldn’t keep his hands off of Sonny’s biceps. But somehow, the two of them were too compatible to get beyond a heavy make-out session. They ended up talking too much and losing time before Sonny had to leave. Maybe Rafael could convince him to stay the night instead. 

“Don’t remind me,” Sonny groaned. “I can’t wait to see you again.”

“Neither can I. You’re back in New York next week?”

“Yep. Wednesday.”

He suppressed a heavy sigh. Today was Monday. It would be over a week until he could see and touch Sonny again. Waiting would be utter torture.

“Why don’t you come to my place when you get here?”

“Yeah? I’ll cook some dinner.” Rafael could _hear_ his beaming smile over the line.

“We can just order out, you know. You don’t have to cook every time.”

“I want to. I gotta go. Talk to you later?”

“Call me tonight if you can.”

"I will. Bye."

"Bye, Sonny."

Rafael leaned back in his chair and smiled to himself. A small moment of peace and happiness. Then, he stood and walked out to tell Carmen to resume his calls. Time to face the rest of the day. 

  


* * *

  


Rafael ran a hand over his face. Yet another witness had decided not to testify. And this one was crucial. 

“Liv, we don’t have a case if he doesn’t step up to the plate.”

“I know," she replied. "Fin is going to talk to him. They have a connection.”

“Okay. I really hope that works."

"It will," Amaro said definitively. Rafael gave him a hard look. He had been particularly combative with him lately. The detective had vocally disagreed with his prosecutorial decisions on another unrelated case and was holding that against him. It was very immature and annoying. Rafael often pushed the squad to find more evidence, but never did he hold their perfectly reasonable conduct against them.

Rafael had declined to press charges in that case. There just wasn’t enough evidence to make them stick, unfortunately. He would rather have a solid case than risk a jury declaring the perp innocent. Double jeopardy still existed. He had helped the victim get a restraining order and put her under full protection. Now it was a wait-and-see game until her attacker decided to make another attempt. Once he did, Rafael would be sure to bring the bastard to justice.

He turned back to Olivia. "And what about the possible serial?” Elusive rapists were dime a dozen apparently.

Rollins jumped in at the question. “We found that all of the victims used the same credit card company. It's small, localized to New York. I think he works for the company and that’s how he got their home addresses.”

“Okay. At least there’s some kind of pattern. But we need a stronger tie between the rapes and the company before I go for a warrant. Even just a single suspect would be helpful. He didn’t leave DNA at the latest crime scene?”

“We got some partial prints, but that was it.”

He sighed. “He’s not making it easy.”

“No he isn’t," Olivia agreed. "And we have about three days before he’s due to strike again.”

“Time’s ticking. Let me know what else you find. We need a home run to put this guy away for good."

  


* * *

  


Sonny didn’t call later that night. He probably crashed as soon as the team made it to their hotel. That was okay. It happened. They had busy lives. Some nights Rafael was too tired to call himself. At least Sonny was playing the next day. It wasn’t nearly the same, but Rafael was dying for any glimpse of him.

Several hours before the game was due to start, Rafael received a text. 

_Look out for the signal tonight_.

Rafael raised an eyebrow. _What signal?_

_You'll know it when you see it. Promise. ;D_

Rafael smiled at the winky face. From everyone else, emojis and emoticons made him cringe. From Sonny, it was just adorable.

Rafael wondered what the signal could possibly be without giving Sonny away somehow. It would have to be pretty subdued. Despite Sonny’s faith in him, Rafael wasn’t sure he would be able to pick out this special signal from his usual bravado. At the same time, Rafael would rather miss the signal entirely than have something extremely obvious. The last thing he wanted was gossip columns speculating about Sonny Carisi’s new rumored girlfriend. He wasn't sure if his heart could take that. 

Rafael tuned in all the same. For once, he had brought his work home with him. He preferred to work late in his office, but he wanted the full flat screen HD TV experience for whatever Sonny planned to do.

He worked through case notes and opening statements for the first several innings. The game was on as background noise until Sonny showed up. 

Finally, the seventh inning arrived. Sonny walked onto the field. He was less performative at away games, given that most of the crowd despised him. But he still offered a wave. Once he reached the mound, Sonny somehow looked directly into the close-up camera and _winked_.

Rafael’s heart went haywire. It sped up at least three times its normal speed. He felt silly. It wasn’t even a big gesture. Most everyone there would play it off as a nod to the crowd. Or a tease to the viewers. Or even goading the batter. Some people probably missed it entirely. That wink had been broadcast live to millions of viewers. But Rafael knew it was meant only for him. The thought made him a little crazy.

They had barely been seeing each other for over a month and a half. He couldn’t be falling already. It was not logical or safe. And that scared him. Rafael had no way of knowing how Sonny felt or if he would ever return these feelings. He did not want to end up falling head over heels for Sonny Carisi only to look up and find the other man standing leagues above him.

  


* * *

  


Throughout the week, Rafael tried not to think too much about his developing feelings for Sonny. It was a mostly failed experiment. His heart still warmed at every text. His stomach flipped whenever Sonny called. He found himself smiling at the mere mention of him. Disappointment followed him like a cloud when he couldn't watch Sonny play. All of these reactions just made Rafael increasingly anxious. Was this what being lovesick felt like? 

By Friday, Rafael was ready for drinks and Olivia’s rants about baby Noah. He needed time outside of his own head, even if it was just a few minutes. Too bad she wasn’t giving that to him.

“But enough about my life. What’s been going on with you?” Olivia asked, with a smile on her face. A _knowing_ smile. This was why Rafael hated being close to people. He suddenly became readable and predictable. People willingly pried for information. He could no longer be aloof and guarded. She _knew_ something was different and the whole point of coming out tonight was that he wouldn’t have to think about it.

“If I had something new to share, I would have told you already.”

“But there is and you haven’t.”

He sighed. So much for that plan. “I’ve been seeing someone recently.”

“Oh? And?”

“I like him.”

She shook her head. “Why do I feel like a dentist right now?”

Even though Rafael had been out for well over a decade, he still marveled at the non-reaction he received from some of the people in his life. He imagined this conversation would go about the same if he had been seeing a woman instead. He had picked his friends well.

He rolled his eyes at Olivia. “I don’t have much to share. We’ve technically been seeing each other for about two months, but we barely ever get to actually _see_ each other. We’re both busy people.”

“So he’s the mystery person you text in the middle of the day.”

He gave her a hard look and took a sip of his scotch. He hadn’t realized he was that obvious around the squad. How embarrassing.

Olivia leaned toward him. “Why won’t you tell me his name?”

“It’s new, Liv. I don’t want to jinx it.”

“Never knew you to be superstitious.”

“I’m not. It’s just…” Rafael felt slightly paranoid about her ability to piece together the truth. Even when “Sonny” was one of the most common nicknames in North America. 

He didn’t believe she would leak it to the press, but Rafael himself wasn’t sure what the relationship meant. He didn’t want to face questions about it until he had more information. And if Olivia knew who his mystery lover was, she would have _plenty_ of questions.

Thankfully, she sensed his unease and stopped prying. Her gaze was warm. Her smile was encouraging. “You really like him.” 

He smiled and nodded. “Yeah. I do.”

“Alright. I’m going to let it go for now, but I have one question.”

He narrowed his eyes. “What?”

“Is he a sports fan?”

“Uh. Why?” That was the last thing he expected her to ask. And now he was _actually_ paranoid that she had figured it out. 

She shrugged. “You’ve been using more sports metaphors lately. I’m wondering if it’s connected.”

He _really_ needed to cool it on the pre-game shows and post-game wrap-ups. Lately, he was craving any kind of contact with Sonny, even if it was just a sportscaster analyzing his play time. It turned out all that sports coverage had somehow seeped into his brain. Rafael was astounded by how very unsubtle he had been behaving. 

“He’s really into baseball, but he appreciates all sports,” he hedged. He hoped that would throw her off the scent — if she even had an inking. It wasn’t uncommon to enjoy baseball, especially in New York City.

“Yankees or Mets?”

He smirked. “Mets.”

“Well, he’ll fit right in with the squad then.”

Rafael snorted. “Sure. If it lasts long enough, I’ll bring him by sometime.” 

The detectives would have an absolute field day seeing Sonny Carisi walk into the precinct. The thought made him smile.

“I’m glad you’re happy, Rafael.”

“Thanks, Liv. Me too.”

  


* * *

  


Sonny’s first stop after returning to New York that Wednesday evening was Rafael’s apartment. He had the suitcase to prove it. 

“You didn’t have to come here first,” Rafael said. He wouldn’t have minded if Sonny had stopped by his own apartment to drop off his things. Less to worry about later on.

Sonny shook his head. “Would have added another hour between me and seeing you so that was out.”

And there it was again. Sonny did not need to idolize him like this. He was the one in a position of power. At any second, he could say that the relationship wasn’t good for his image and leave. Rafael wouldn’t even be offended. That made more sense than Sonny wanting to stick around with his heavy schedule and their lack of physical contact. It was completely unfair that he constantly made Rafael weak at the knees. What did he do to deserve this kind of treatment?

Still, Rafael smirked. “At least you won't have an excuse not to spend the night.” 

Sonny laughed as he rolled his suitcase inside. "Suppose not. What's for dinner?"

Sonny enjoyed cooking. Because they spent a lot of time in Rafael’s apartment, he was usually the one setting the menu and procuring groceries. (Which Sonny tried to pay for every single time without fail.) While Sonny’s apartment was probably nicer, Rafael’s place allowed them to stay quiet and under the radar. Keeping things under wraps was significantly easier in a building without a doorman, nosy neighbors, or possible paparazzi camping outside. 

But tonight, Rafael didn’t want any of Sonny’s home cooked meals — though he did thoroughly enjoy them. He had other ideas for the evening. They had zero home runs scored so far and Rafael was dead set on fixing that. Cooking would only get in the way.

"Pizza," Rafael answered. "I already ordered from the place you recommended. It'll be here in another 45 minutes.”

“Tired of my cooking?" Sonny asked as he placed his hands on his hips. This made him stand taller and gave Rafael an even better view of his arms. And the rest of his body. Maybe they would have to skip dinner entirely.

He licked his lips. “Definitely not. Figured you could use a break."

“What toppings did you get?”

“Goat cheese and something. I don’t know. It’s their special.”

“The something is probably sun-dried tomato.”

Rafael rolled his eyes. “How do you know they were even sun-dried?”

“It’s in the flavor.”

"If you say so,“ he said lowly as he moved closer to Sonny. 

His eyes darkened. "What are we supposed to do with ourselves until the pizza gets here?”

"I can think of several things."

Rafael wasn’t sure who started it, but the end result was a heavy make-out session on the couch. Rafael's hands found Sonny's biceps yet again. He shuddered as Sonny groaned into his mouth. 

"I missed you," Sonny panted when they broke apart. 

"Yeah. Me too," Rafael admitted. 

He grinned. "Did you see the signal?"

“Didn’t we already talk about this?”

“Yeah but I want to hear it from you in person.”

He chuckled and shook his head. “I saw it. But a wink is not that creative if I’m being honest.”

"Well, I didn't want to make it too complicated. I thought about incorporating sign language somehow. But I was afraid you wouldn’t pick up on it.”

"You really don't have to go to all this trouble for me."

“I want to."

"Why?"

He leaned closer with a grin. "Because I like you a lot."

Rafael swore his heart stopped for half a second. This was totally and completely unfair. How could he just say something like _that_ so effortlessly? 

“Is this what you do for all the boys?”

Sonny chuckled. “Nah. I haven’t really dated anyone since I joined the league.”

Rafael shifted backward to get a better view of his face. “You mean since you were _twenty-three_ years old?” 

Sonny was about to be 35 now. It was a little embarrassing that Rafael knew that without Sonny ever telling him his birthday. Oh, the joys of the internet and obsessive tendencies.

“It’s not like I have that much free time, you know,” Sonny said confidently even while a slight blush grew. “And I was constantly traded around for my first few seasons. I’ve casually seen some people, but it’s hard keeping up a relationship when you’re on the road half the time.”

Rafael rubbed his shoulder gently. “I didn’t mean it like that. I was just surprised when you’re so…” All the words in the English language suddenly fled his brain. He was left speechless, staring dreamily at Sonny. 

Sonny just smiled. “I get it. I was surprised to find out you were single and available too.”

He didn’t get to reply as a knock sounded on the door. “That’s the pizza. Be right back.”

“Can’t wait.”

Rafael quickly paid the delivery guy and collected the pizza. He set the box on the coffee table and retrieved plates from the kitchen. Then, they settled into the couch and started in on the food.

After Rafael had finished a slice, Sonny looked over with a humble smile. “What do you think?”

“It’s pretty good. Not sure if it’s worth the price though.”

“I’ll pay you back. And next time, I’ll make it.”

Rafael didn’t even try protesting over the money. Sonny always won. “Why do you like cooking so much?”

He shrugged. “It reminds me of my childhood. I cooked a lot with my ma. And it really impresses the ladies.”

“And gentlemen,” he smirked.

“And gentlemen. Can you cook?”

Rafael huffed a laugh. “Barely. I don’t often have time for full meals anyway. Just a lot of snacks.”

“Yeah?” Sonny asked as he went for another slice. “What kind?”

“Anything smallish. Pretzels, nuts, trail mix. Things like that.”

“Sunflower seeds?”

“No. Those make too much of a mess. And don’t even taste good.”

Sonny chuckled. “Fair point.”

They finished the meal mostly in companionable silence. Rafael took the time to examine Sonny closely. The line of his figure. The muscles bulging and tightening as he shifted. The slight pink to his skin. The fullness of his lips. The bright blue of his eyes. He could not wait to devour him.

He also noticed that Sonny had been checking him out as well. Rafael suddenly realized that he had never seen him in anything but his professional clothing. Tonight’s more relaxed outfit was probably driving him crazy. Sonny looked ready to pounce on him.

Rafael barely had time to close the pizza box over their leftovers before Sonny’s lips were on his again. He grunted in surprise but eagerly reciprocated. Sonny had him pinned to the couch as he snaked his tongue into Rafael’s mouth. He groaned in response. His arms went around Sonny’s waist. He pressed his hands into his back, pulling him even closer.

Sonny pulled back, breath ragged. “You’re gonna kill me.”

Rafael laughed. “Hopefully not before I get a good time out of it.”

He moved in for another kiss, but Rafael gently pushed back on his shoulder. “Hey, before we go any further, can I ask…how far you’ve gone before? With men?”

Instead of the blush he had been expecting, Rafael was met with a sassy eyebrow quirk. “You asking if I’m a virgin?”

“No. Not really. It just works a little differently with another man than-”

“Don’t you worry, Rafael. I have plenty of experience.”

Oh _shit._ How was that statement even hotter than seeing him in his away uniform? Apparently, Rafael very much enjoyed when Sonny was assertive. This was going to be a _very_ good night.

“Oh do you?” 

“Let me show you.” Sonny pulled back and made quick work of Rafael’s belt. 

He could have _sworn_ his heart actually gave out in that moment. Thankfully, it didn’t. Because the things that Sonny Carisi could do with his tongue were _astounding_. 

And the things he could do in bed were somehow even better. By the end of the night, Rafael was _very_ pleased with their batting average.


	4. Stealing Bases

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael is distracted by a viral video during a busy week. ~~You'll also have to pry his baseball metaphors out of his cold, dead hands.~~

_"Look, I'll answer all the questions you want. Just let me put a shirt on first. My ma will kill me if she sees me on TV like this."_

Rafael looked up from his desk. He had left the door to his office open that afternoon. He could have sworn that was Sonny's voice coming from Carmen’s computer. 

"Hey Carmen, what is that?" he asked while walking toward her. 

"Just a video one of my friends sent me."

He stood behind her as she restarted the clip from the beginning. It _was_ Sonny. He was in the clubhouse. Shirtless. Rafael quite enjoyed the view, even though he had seen it first hand on several occasions over the past couple weeks.

A reporter was attempting to get a quote from him, but Sonny raised a hand to stop her talking. This was what Rafael had overheard earlier. He spoke with the biggest grin and a slight blush. He turned to pull on a shirt. The camera got a full view of his backside as he bent over. And that was the end.

“Well, so much for his mother not seeing this,” Rafael said.

Carmen laughed. “I know. Whoever leaked it was a little mean. But still. He’s really sweet, worrying like that.”

Rafael smiled. “Yeah. He is.”

She looked back at him curiously. Then, he remembered where he was and who he was talking about. “What’s next for me?”

“Buchanan wants to meet with you at three.”

“Of course he does. Alright. Let me know if any urgent calls come in.”

Carmen nodded and Rafael walked back into his office. He settled into his chair. Before he turned back to trial prep, he looked up the video of Sonny. Just to watch one more time.

At the sight of Sonny shirtless, Rafael realized that they had skipped an important step. They had spent _way_ too much time on first base. Third base was always very enjoyable. And now they had racked up many, many home runs. But somehow, second base had been skipped. Entirely. And Rafael was usually a very enthusiastic second baseman. Probably the lack of time they had together contributed to the oversight. That would have to be rectified as soon as possible.

He sent a quick text to Sonny. _You busy tonight?_

A reply came a couple minutes later. _Nope. Want me to come over?_

_Yes. Seven._

_See you then._

Rafael bit his lip and turned back to his work. He kept zoning out while reading witness statements or composing opening arguments. After about an hour of this, he pulled up the video himself. Sonny shirtless and flushed was a sight to behold. Without even meaning to, his lover had completely destroyed his productivity. They were going to have fun tonight. 

  


* * *

  


They were not going to have fun that night. Rafael had to call off their plans. Something he had never done in their relationship. More often than not, conflicts prevented dates from being set in the first place. Sonny had canceled on him a couple times due to unexpected interviews or meetings. Rafael knew canceled evenings were inevitable with his job, but he still felt nervous telling Sonny about it. 

His reaction was almost a non-reaction. 

"That's okay, Rafi. We'll see each other another time."

Rafael couldn't believe it. His work had been a big contention point in many of his past relationships. How would it be that a beautiful _baseball player_ could be the complete, entire package? 

"You're not upset?" he asked.

"Of course not. You got a job to do."

"Okay. I gotta go. Talk later?"

"Yep. Kick some ass."

He chuckled. "Thanks, babe. Bye."

Rollins popped her head into the break room as he ended the call. She gave him a curious look. “Babe?"

And just like that, his moment of contentment was ruined. He had never mentioned anything about her relationship with Amaro. Even when said relationship was often painfully obvious in a professional environment. 

Rafael kept his personal life _far_ away from his work. Maybe that was part of the allure of asking. But still. The least she could do was extend the same courtesy to him that he had to her. The _one time_ she overheard what was obviously a private conversation, she called him on it?

"Is the Senator ready to make a deal?" He slipped his phone into his pocket.

She threw her hands up. “I don’t know but you can sure as hell try."

He followed her out of the break room. "I doubt he’ll want to take this to trial, especially after he’s officially charged.”

Yet another politician caught sexting minors. Could they at least have affairs with consenting adults? Was that so hard? This particular Senator was steadfastly denying all of the accusations against him. As expected. At this point, he likely wouldn’t make a deal and force Rafael to drag his victims to court. The irony was that if this man had taken the time to pursue healthier relationships, Rafael would be getting a heavy dose of his own flourishing relationship at that very moment. Instead, he was standing outside a bleak interrogation room.

Rafael sighed and leaned against the wall. He listened to Olivia talk to the perp. He wasn’t saying anything he didn’t already know. Not even a minute later, his phone vibrated with a phone call. Irrationally, he hoped it was Sonny before he managed to check the screen.

His mother. Could no one leave him alone tonight?

He didn’t answer the call but sent her a short text explaining that he was working. A few minutes later, she responded with a demand that he take her out to brunch that Sunday. He replied with a confirmation, hoping the case wouldn’t force him to cancel plans. Lucia Barba was irritable when she didn’t get to see her son. Maybe she would be less upset when she heard reports about the case the next day.

  


* * *

  


Because of the high-profile case, Rafael had to cancel on Sonny three more times over the next week. (He also had to cancel brunch with his mother, but that was a separate issue.) He had interviews, a grand jury to impanel, meetings with the DA, and extra meetings with the squad on top of his regular caseload. What made the situation even more frustrating was that Sonny was so _understanding_ about it all.

“It’s okay. I cancel on you enough as it is. And your job is much more important than mine.”

“I appreciate that, Sonny. But you’re not even a little mad?”

“Nope. I mean, sure, I’m a little disappointed. But it’s not your fault a United States Senator decided to break the law in your jurisdiction.”

“Can you at least _pretend_ to be angry about it?”

“Why?” Rafael could picture the confusion on his face over the line. He didn’t even know why he was doing this himself. He usually loathed fights about his work schedule. And now here he was begging for one. It was not logical.

“It’s just- We’ve never had an actual argument.” They had been dating for almost three months. Had they passed the honeymoon phase yet?

Sonny laughed. “So you want me to be mad at you so we can check it off the list?”

“I don’t know. This all feels…surreal. And you being so accepting of my unpredictable schedule is just making it more weird.”

“It’s weird?”

“That’s not the right word.” He heaved a deep sigh. “I should probably stop looking a gift horse in the mouth.”

“How about you come to my place tonight?”

“Your place?” Rafael had yet to see Sonny’s apartment. He was quite curious to see what his millions could get him.

“Yeah. Maybe a change of scenery can help take some of this stress off you. I’ll cook you something.”

“You say that like you haven’t cooked for me before.”

“Well, I haven’t in my own kitchen. It’s state of the art.”

“I’m sure it is. I might be over late.”

“That’s okay. I’ll text you the address.”

Not even a moment after Rafael had hung up on Sonny, Lucia called. Again. At least the fourth time that week. Rafael glanced at the clock. She was probably trying to catch him on a lunch break. He rejected the call and texted that he would talk to her later. He had a motions hearing to prep for and witness statements to go over.

  


* * *

  


After a very long day, Rafael arrived at Sonny’s address around 9 p.m. Not as late as he had thought, but still not early. The building wasn’t an elegant one on the Upper East Side, as he had half-expected. Instead, it was a nice building in Brooklyn. Classy, but nothing you would expect a multi-millionaire to live in.

The doorman waved him on to the elevator the second he said Sonny’s name. So he had warned him about his visit. Rafael hoped the doorman was truly discrete and wouldn’t sell them out for a cheap buck.

Sonny opened his door with a wide grin. “Hi, honey. You’re home.”

Rafael rolled his eyes as he stepped inside. “Are you going to be this cheesy all night?”

“I don’t know, but the lasagna certainly is.”

He chuckled. He had never been with someone who could annoy him into laughing, but it was a nice feeling.

“You can put your jacket and what not in there.” Sonny gestured to a small closet by the door. “Food’s almost ready.”

“Smells good.” Rafael shrugged off his suit jacket and hung it up. He loosened his tie after he set his briefcase against the wall.

“It’ll taste even better. Family recipe.”

Rafael followed him toward the kitchen, taking the time to survey the apartment. It was definitely nice. Nothing his family could have ever afforded growing up. 

But the apartment still wasn’t the insane bachelor pad he was expecting from a young, rich baseball player. It felt more like an apartment a first-year associate could afford. Classy, but reasonable.

And as Rafael watched Sonny check the oven, he saw just how much it suited his personality. The same man who donated inordinate amounts to charity and left gratuitous tips would not likely be seen buying a million dollar apartment.

He could be seen buying law books, going by the pile in the living room. One was even open on the coffee table with notes and highlights. So he wasn’t just perusing. Sonny was serious about law school. That fact just made his heart swell even more for him.

“So in case you were wondering, I told the doorman my lawyer was going to visit tonight,” Sonny said as he leaned against the counter. His smile was almost mischievous. 

Rafael tried his hardest not to smile back. “I represent the collective people of New York. Not private citizens.”

“Still. You kinda are _my_ lawyer.”

Now he did smile. Because Sonny was ridiculous. Who says these kinds of things three months into a relationship? “Does that make you _my_ pitcher?”

He shrugged. “If you want.”

The timer on the oven went off. Sonny leaned down to open it. Rafael watched as he carefully took the lasagna out with an oven mitt.

“You’re a southpaw, right?” he asked before he could think about it.

Sonny turned toward him. His smile was full of teasing mirth. “So you do watch all my games. I thought you were exaggerating.”

“I subscribed to ESPN for you.”

He laughed. “No kidding. Yeah. I’m a southpaw. Why?”

“You’re right-handed.” He gestured to Sonny cutting the lasagna. 

He shrugged. “Southpaws have an advantage, an edge over batters who are used to seeing the pitch come from the right side. My pops made me learn left-handed so I could win more often. And it’s been that way ever since.”

“How old were you? When you started pitching?”

“Maybe six or seven?” He plated a slice of lasagna for each of them.

“And your dad was already _that_ concerned about winning?”

Sonny set the plates on the table. “He wanted all his kids to be the best at something. For me, it was baseball.”

“I bet he’s very proud now.”

He chuckled and poured two glasses of wine. “Yeah, he is. He takes credit for my entire career.”

Rafael smiled as they sat down. “Sounds like my abuelita. She’s been calling me a judge since I passed the bar. The second I become one, she’ll be insisting it was because of her.”

Sonny raised his glass. “Families.”

“Families.” Rafael clinked his glass against his. 

The lasagna was very good. Even better than the one served during their first date. Maybe he would ask Sonny to pack him a lunch.

About halfway through their meal, Lucia called again. Rafael had no idea what she was doing up this late, but he knew he had to answer. 

“It’s my mother,” he told Sonny. “I’ve been dodging her all week. If I don’t talk to her for a minute, she’s going to think I’m dead or missing.”

He just smiled. “Nah. I get it. Go ahead.”

Rafael took in a breath and accepted the call. “Hi, mami. How are you?”

“I’m fine, Rafi.” Her tone was laced with passive-aggressive tiredness. “What have _you_ been up to?”

“Working, you know how it is.”

“Oh, you’re _always_ working! You are going to work yourself to death.”

His annoyance must have shown on his face because Sonny was snickering quietly. “I’m okay. Just busy. But look, I’m actually on a date right now-”

“What?!?” Her voice exploded in his ear. Loud enough to carry across the table. And now Sonny was openly laughing. “A date?! _Dígame todo, mijo_.”

“We’re in the middle of dinner, mami. I’ll tell you later.”

“Okay.” She sounded unconvinced. “You better not forget. I _need_ to know everything.”

Rafael rolled his eyes. “ _Sí. Lo prometo._ Talk to you later.”

“Have fun, papito. _Te quiero_.”

“ _Te quiero tambien_. Bye.”

And that was the shortest conversation he had ever had with his mother. Maybe he should have started going on more dates sooner.

“It’s cute you promised your mom you’d tell her everything about us,” Sonny said with a grin.

Rafael smiled at him, amazed once again. “How much Spanish do you actually know?” He hadn’t used much of the language, but not many casual learners knew the word for promise or could easily recognize it.

He shrugged. “Some. A lot of my teammates are from Spanish-speaking countries or backgrounds. I picked up a few things in the clubhouse. Mostly dirty words though.”

He smirked. “Well, maybe you can show me some of those.”

“Nah. Most of them describe female anatomy so they’re not applicable.”

Rafael laughed. “Good point.”

“Speaking of. Is your family okay with…you know?” Sonny gestured between them. So they _had_ made it past the honeymoon phase if he was asking hard-hitting questions about his family’s reaction to his sexual orientation.

“They’ve had over twenty years to get used to it so it’s pretty much a non-issue at this point. Really, it was only my father who had major problems. But he’s been dead for 15 years now.”

He looked ready to offer condolences, but Rafael cut him off. “Don’t do that. I don’t miss him. He only made my mother’s life hell. He doesn’t deserve love or respect.”

He still looked sad but nodded. “Okay.”

“Mind if I ask about your family?”

Sonny gave a small sigh. “My sisters are accepting. My parents have said they’re supportive, but they’re traditional. Maybe the idea that I’m still attracted to women is keeping them calm about it. I haven’t brought home a man yet, so I guess I’ll see their reaction then.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask how you’re so openly Catholic and comfortable with your sexuality at the same time.” Rafael had left the Church because of its views on the subject. He couldn’t imagine sticking around like Sonny had.

“Oh, that part’s easier. I know God created me to be the way that I am. It hurts that people can’t accept it, but I know I’m not wrong. My priest actually helped me see that when I was a teenager.”

That was unusual. The priest at Rafael’s parish had been decidedly judgmental of anyone who expressed homosexual desires. “You got lucky then. I'm glad you had support.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

They moved on to other lighter topics. As they finished dinner, they started playing a little flirting game. Sonny kept giving him long, appraising looks. Rafael’s heart sped up. They were going to christen Sonny’s apartment and he knew exactly how to do it. He was very glad for that amazing video. It had given him a few minutes of sanity during his busy week. Now, it was finally going to pay off.

“So I saw a video of you,” he began playfully.

Sonny groaned. It had gone viral quite quickly. He had probably been haunted by headlines all week. “The shirtless video, right? I told them to wait, but they didn’t listen. I never strip down in front of the cameras like most everyone else so I guess it was a novelty.”

“Well, I quite enjoyed it.” He made sure to lick his lips and lean forward. “But it made me realize something.”

Sonny smirked in response to his tone. “Oh yeah? What’s that?”

“We stole some bases.”

He snorted. “You don’t steal more than one base at a time. That’s not how it works.”

“That’s what I’m talking about. We pulled a highly illegal maneuver.”

Sonny frowned. “We did? How?”

Rafael stood and walked around to the other side of the table. He leaned in close and murmured, “We skipped second.”

He stared at him for a moment. Rafael waited patiently for him to process. He saw the moment his statement clicked. Sonny gave him a dark, lustful look. That was all he had been waiting for.

“I see. Well, we can fix that right now, can’t we, Counselor?”

The use of his title sent a shiver down his spine. “Yes, we can. And maybe we can think about another home run afterward.”

Sonny laughed. “You’re really committed to the metaphor.”

“This is the only time in my life I’m going to be dating a baseball player. Can’t waste the opportunity.”

“In that case, maybe we can fit in two or three more home runs.”

Rafael sighed dramatically. “I forgot what it was like to love a younger man until you.”

“Okay, Mr. Austen. Come here.”

Sonny pulled him close. Rafael melted into his touch. All of his stress melted with him. For a few hours, his thoughts were consumed by Sonny and Sonny alone.


	5. Take Me Out To The Ball Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rita takes Rafael to a Mets game. Reality catches up with him.

Rafael was sulking. Sonny was in New York, but he was playing that night. Which meant he couldn't see him. In person at least. All he had to look forward to was a wave and a wink from his TV screen. What a night.

Suddenly, he envied Sonny's teammates. They would get to touch his ass and he wouldn't. Rafael still didn't understand why macho sports culture included homoerotic actions. It seemed counter-intuitive, but there it was.

"Mr. Barba?" He looked up as Carmen called his name. "Calhoun is here to see you."

He frowned. Rita wasn't representing anyone in his currently pending cases. This was a social call. But in the middle of the morning?

"Send her in," he replied. He stood and smoothed down his tie as Rita walked into his office.

"Rita, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"The New York Mets." She said with a smile.

He knew that smile. She was only ever this happy when she could hold something over him. This was not good. Had she figured out who he was dating?

He tried to play it cool. "Um, what?"

"I have two tickets to tonight's game. You're coming with me."

Okay. So she probably didn’t know. If she did, she would have said it outright. Rita was not a subtle long-game person, at least in her personal life. She was more satisfied with the idea of dragging him to a sporting event — which she knew full well he hated. She didn’t much care for sports either, but torturing him would be half of her fun. Up until almost four months ago, attending a Mets game would have _actually_ been torture. But she didn’t need to know that.

"Since when do you like baseball?" She usually preferred basketball or hockey. Somewhere with an indoor arena.

"Look at you knowing the Mets is a baseball team."

Rafael rolled his eyes. He knew which teams belonged to which sport even if he didn’t particularly enjoy any of them.

“It's an American pastime," Rita continued. "Everyone needs to go to a game at least once in their lives."

“Sure. Your date canceled, didn't he?"

"Would it have _killed_ you to play along?"

“Actually, yes."

“I’m glad you’re in a happy relationship, Rafael. But you don’t have to rub it in.”

“Don’t be dramatic. I'm just stating the obvious.”

“Whatever. These seats are a great value. Right above the dugout. They shouldn’t go to waste.”

“And you’re asking me because…?”

"You're my only friend and we can ogle the hot players together."

If only she knew how much he really wanted to ogle one player in particular. He was very glad her date wasn’t a Yankees fan. He would finally be able to see Sonny play in person. And things had finally died down over the past couple of days. He should be able to get through a baseball game without being called in. His schedule was clear. Everything seemed to have worked out. But still, he went through with a token protest for Rita's sake. If he acted like she had dragged him along, he could maintain his cover.

“I’m a very busy man, Rita.”

“You can take an evening off. You’re already wearing the team’s colors. You have to come.”

That day, he wore an orange tie with a blue gingham patterned shirt. Rafael wasn’t coincidentally wearing blue and orange, even if they were striking complementary colors. He knew full well it was game day. He tried to wear at least one of the team’s colors when they were playing in New York. In part to make up for their boring white home game uniforms. And in part to make up for the disappointment of not being able to see Sonny. But also as a small inside joke to himself. He was flaunting the relationship in front of everyone he worked with and absolutely no one noticed. Secrets were fun sometimes.

“Alright. I’ll think about it,” he said.

“Great. See you tonight.” She smiled.

“That wasn’t a yes.”

“Close enough for you. I’ll meet you here at the end of the day.”

“I’ll be here,” he sighed.

  


* * *

  


Rafael actually left his office for lunch around noon that day. A rarity for him, but also a necessity. He was meeting his mother. Ordinarily, he would enjoy the respite from work. But he knew he was going to be questioned endlessly about his date. Why did he even tell his mother anything?

“ _Hola, mami_ ,” he greeted when he reached the table. Lucia had been seated without him.

“ _Hola, mijo_ ,” she replied _oh so_ cheerfully. “Have a seat.”

“We’re in public. You don’t have to invite me to sit.” But he did anyway.

“It’s only polite. Do you want any appetizers?”

He sighed. “I don’t want this hanging over our meal. So I’m going to get it out of the way. I’m seeing a man.”

He hoped that would be the end of it. While she no longer judged him for seeing men, she was never quite comfortable discussing his dating life with one.

But that wasn’t stopping her this time. “I need more details than that, Rafi. What’s his name? How did you meet? Is he Cuban?”

He rolled his eyes. “Like you cared whether or not anyone I dated was Cuban.”

“Well, how am I to know? You never tell me anything.”

“He’s not Cuban. We met in a coffee shop.”

Just then, his phone rang. He regretted setting it down on the table. Lucia immediately leaned forward to see who was calling. Of course, it was Sonny. The timing was just perfect.

Rafael quickly silenced the call and put his phone in his pocket. Maybe he should stop leaving it out in the open.

“Who was that?” His mother demanded. When he didn’t answer, her smile grew wider. “Your boy is called Sonny, huh?”

“He is not a boy. But yes, that is his name. Actually, it’s a nickname.”

“So he’s Italian then?”

“He’s from Staten Island.”

“Oh, very Italian then. Do I have to teach him how to cook for a Cubano?”

“He cooks just fine. You are not going to be teaching him anything.”

“Ah. So he’s cooked for you. Must be serious.”

“He would cook for literally anyone on the street. It’s one of his passions.”

“What are his other passions?”

“Mami.”

“What? You promised me, Rafi.”

“Can we at least order before you get into your interrogation?”

Lucia rolled her eyes. “So dramatic. But fine. I know exactly what I want.”

She recommended at least half of the menu to her son. Apparently, she frequently visited this restaurant with her book club. He settled on a turkey and Swiss panini with a salad on the side. His mother ordered an omelet from the brunch menu.

The conversation moved away from his dating life. She talked about her work at the charter school. Until he was about three bites into his sandwich.

"How long have you been seeing this boy?" Lucia asked.

Rafael took a swig of his water. “About four months."

"And you're just telling me _now_?"

“Mami, please. It's not that serious."

The words sounded false to his own ears. He knew it was still very early in their relationship, especially when they could barely see each other. But his heart had decided to become extremely attached to Sonny Carisi. To the point that Rafael honestly wouldn’t know what to do with himself if Sonny told him he wanted to end it. Was it love? He wasn’t quite sure. Still, he was much more invested in this relationship than he had been in a long, long time. And it scared him a little.

Lucia was silent for a moment. She cocked her head as she examined her son. "Seems like it's serious for you."

Of course, she would see straight through him. He didn’t much feel like discussing this with her. Not when he was still working through his own feelings about Sonny. Not when he still had his hang-ups over her past rejection of his dating men.

He swallowed. "He likes sports."

"What?"

"That's one of his other passions."

"I see. So original."

"He's also considering going to law school."

"Just considering?" She raised an eyebrow. No doubt judging a man she hadn’t even met for being indecisive. Lucia almost never approved of anyone Rafael dated — man or woman. She always found a reason why they weren’t good enough for her son. He briefly wondered whether she would reject Sonny just because he played for the Mets instead of the Yankees.

"His career is pretty demanding,” Rafael said. “He basically has to retire in order to attend. The timing just isn't the best right now."

She opened her mouth to ask another question but stopped herself. She shook her head.

He frowned. “What is it?”

Lucia reached across the table and took his hand. “I know you don’t like me prying. I wish you felt more comfortable talking to me about these things, but that’s partially my fault.”

“No-”

“Rafi, it’s okay. I know. I haven’t always been the best mother. But I’m here for you now. And the way you light up when you talk about this boy, Sonny. I haven’t seen that from you in years.” She took in a breath. “I want to meet him.”

He laughed as he pulled his hand away. He was relieved that that was all the declaration had amounted to. The last thing they needed was both of them breaking down crying in public.

“If he sticks around, I’ll introduce you,” he said.

Lucia smiled. “Good. Now, how’s your sandwich?”

  


* * *

  


Rafael's afternoon was incredibly tedious. He didn't have so much as a meeting to stave off the boredom. It was made worse by his anticipation for that evening. It was the same anticipation that had taken over his entire mind when he had finally nabbed _Hamilton_ tickets. So maybe he was in love after all.

He sighed in relief when his phone rang. His heart practically skipped a beat when he saw it was Sonny calling. Again. He had completely forgotten to follow up with him after lunch. The conversation with his mother had weighed on his mind. And then he had plenty of work to distract him.

"Hey," he answered. "Sorry I missed you earlier."

"It's okay." Sonny’s voice instantly had Rafael relaxing back into his chair. "I know you're busy. Just wanted to have a chance to talk before tonight."

"You mean before the MLB ruins my evening plans?"

"Shut up. You like seeing me in my uniform."

"I like your away uniform better. Brings out your eyes."

Sonny laughed. "Should I wear it next time I see you?"

"Maybe. But I have a little surprise for you first."

"Yeah? What's that?"

"I'm going to be at your game."

"Like in person?"

"Yes, in person. How else?“

"You could have said something earlier. I would have hooked you up with tickets."

“It wasn't my idea. My friend's date canceled and she wants me to go with her instead."

“And you’re okay with being her second choice?” Rafael could hear the smirk in his voice.

He rolled his eyes. “If it means I get to see you in your element free of charge, then yes.”

“Does she know, you know, about us?”

“Nope. She probably won’t suspect anything either. She knows I loathe all sports.”

“Says the man with an ESPN subscription.”

Rafael huffed.

“You can tell her, Rafi.” Sonny’s voice was softer now. “I won’t mind.”

“I know. It’s not you holding me back. I kinda like that this is just between us for now.”

“Like our own little world.”

“Right. I-” Rafael had to bite his lip to keep from saying those three important little words. _Fuck_. This was not good.

Thankfully, Sonny barreled on. “Do you know where you’re sitting? I can give you a wave.”

“The seats are right above the dugout. But don’t make a show of it. Half the reason Rita wants to go is to check out the players and I’ll be teased all night if you make me blush.”

“Is that a challenge, Counselor?”

And just like that, he could already feel his cheeks heating up. This was going to be more of a struggle than he thought. “No, it’s not. Please don’t take it as one.”

“Uh huh. What color is your tie today, Rafael?”

“Orange…why?”

“I have Google alerts set up for you. I see all your press interviews. And it does something to me to know that you wear Mets colors on game days.”

“You figured me out.” Attention to detail. That skill would help him immensely in law school.

“Honestly, how do you expect this to stay a secret when you’re that obvious?”

“Everyone at work has seen me wear much more flamboyant colors. It’s not that out of character for me.”

“Yeah? Like what?”

“You didn’t notice the salmon tie you took off me the other night?”

Sonny laughed. “You mean the pink one? I still can’t believe you have matching suspenders.”

“You know nothing of high fashion.”

“I do alright.”

Carmen opened the door. Rafael gave her a nod. “I gotta go. See you tonight.”

“Looking forward to it.”

He ended the call and focused on Carmen’s news. Thankfully, it was nothing that would cause him to cancel his evening.

  


* * *

  


Rafael arrived with Rita at the ballpark around 6 p.m. Just around an hour before the game was to start. Rita had taken her afternoon off and had changed into more suitable clothing for a baseball game in August. Jeans and a flattering blue blouse. Rafael was still wearing his suit from work — though he left the jacket behind in his office.

“This is what you get for being a civil servant, Rafael,” Rita teased as they settled into their seats. Rita had purchased french fries. Rafael wasn’t too hungry and had started munching on peanuts. He also had a box of cracker jack for later.

He rolled his eyes. “I actually like my job, unlike _some_ people.”

“Don’t get testy with me. The game hasn’t even started. You could have left the waistcoat too, you know.”

“It completes the outfit.” He had kept the waistcoat on in the hopes it would slim his figure just a little. And he knew Sonny liked his three-piece suits. Rafael was nothing if not competitive. If Sonny was going to make him blush, Rafael would try his hardest to get the same reaction from the other man.

Rita tilted her head and studied him for a moment. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”

“You still don’t know who my boyfriend is so…there’s that.”

“There is that. Is he going to be sad that I’m stealing you for the evening?”

Rafael shrugged and popped a peanut into his mouth. “He’s busy anyway.”

“And what is he busy with?”

“Work.”

“I’m going to find out eventually.”

“You’ve never struggled with a lack of persistence.”

“No. I have not.” She was still looking at him. Rafael busied himself with his snack to avoid addressing her curiosity again.

A few minutes later, the players began walking out onto the field. In tandem with each member of the home team, big screens lit up with their picture, name, and jersey number. Rafael couldn’t wait to see Sonny up on the screen, but that was going to be much later in the game.

Rita sat up and looked out onto the field. “Finally.”

Rafael shook his head. “So are we rating from one to ten?”

“We are not rating anyone. We are just appreciating the athletic physique of professional athletes.”

“My mother will kill me for saying this, but the Mets look better than the Yankees.”

She laughed. “Wait until I tell her you said that. You have no loyalty at all.”

“I have no investment in sports, Rita. I was never loyal in the first place.”

They passed the first half of the game joking and laughing. Rita pointed out the best biceps and legs. Rafael agreed with most of her assessments. He was anxious to see what she thought of Sonny when he got out there. He had tried to spy him in the dugout or the bullpen, but he was hidden in a corner Rafael couldn’t see from his seat.

Near the end of the sixth inning, a new pitcher started warming up in the bullpen. It was Sonny. Rafael stared. He knew that he was a good pitcher. He had seen him play many, many times. But nothing compared to seeing that kind of raw power in person. He swallowed.

“So he’s a ten then?” Rita snickered beside him.

He scowled at her. “I thought we weren’t rating them.”

“I think he just broke your scale. Just your type too. Bet he has cute dimples.”

He didn’t dignify that with a response. He was already worked up and Sonny wasn’t even that close to where they were sitting. What would happen when he actually went out onto the field?

Rafael lost track of Sonny in between the sixth and seventh innings. And then, he stepped out of the dugout to walk onto the field. But not before throwing a wink and a wave back at the crowd. At Rafael.

He felt his cheeks heat up without his permission. He kept his eyes on Sonny as he walked to the mound. And then glanced up at the big screen. Sonny was smiling in his photo. His walk-up music was some inane upbeat pop song Rafael recognized from a few years back.

“Kesha?” Rita laughed. “Maybe he’s not the best match for you after all.”

“Maybe not.” But Rafael was smiling. He had already gone ten rounds with Sonny about his musical preferences. He wouldn’t back down. Rafael didn’t mind as much as he thought he would. He claimed every single one of his walk-up songs were picked for a very specific and intelligent reason.

He became distracted by Sonny. Strong arms flexing as he threw amazing pitches. He had a sudden image of Sonny pining him to the wall with those arms. Like he had a few nights ago. He shook his head.

“That man is all legs, isn’t he?” Rita said with a smirk.

Another flashback to those long legs wrapping around his hips. Once again, Rafael felt his face heat up. He avoided her gaze and shifted in his seat. But the blush only worsened under her stare.

“Oh. My. God.”

Rafael raised an eyebrow at her. “You okay there?”

“No. Don’t be coy with me now. That’s him, isn’t it?” She gestured toward Sonny throwing another beautiful pitch.

“Him who?”

“Rafael. Seriously. You’re in love with this man. I haven’t seen you act this way in years.”

He sighed. “My boyfriend goes by Sonny.”

Her jaw dropped. “This is so fucking _unfair_.”

He smirked. He always liked beating Rita, whether it was in the courtroom or in the dating scene. There was no way she could top this.

“You, the social recluse, bagging a professional athlete.” She shook her head. “Nothing makes sense anymore.”

He rolled his eyes and settled back in his seat to enjoy the view. Sonny earned three outs fairly quickly. Rafael was proud of him for being so skilled, but also disappointed because that meant he would be leaving the field.

As Sonny walked back toward the dugout, he threw another wave in his direction. Rafael smiled and waved back. No one other than Rita would think he was waving specifically at him. He laughed as Sonny stumbled on his way into the dugout.

“Okay. I can see it a little now. He’s kind of dorky,” Rita said.

Rafael smiled. “He’s a giant dork, but he’s smart too.”

“I don’t know if I will ever get over this.”

The rest of the game was spent with Rafael admiring Sonny while Rita made off-hand comments about her disbelief in the situation. Rafael was quite enjoying both aspects. Now, he was the one torturing her instead.

After the game concluded with a Mets win, Rafael sent off a quick text to Sonny. _Good game._

He didn’t reply right away. That didn’t surprise Rafael. The players weren’t allowed phones during a game. He would respond when he saw it later that night.

He had a smile on his face as they left the ballpark and climbed in Rita’s car.

“So you really like him,” she observed as she drove away.

“Yes.” He paused for a moment. “Do you see now why we’re keeping it quiet?”

“I do.” Her tone was more distant than it had been earlier in the evening. Tight and controlled. There was something she wanted to say.

“Whatever you’re thinking, just tell me.”

“I don’t know if you want to hear it.”

“Since when has that stopped you?”

“This is different. Your heart’s already in it.”

If both his mother _and_ Rita could see how invested he was, then Rafael had completely failed to keep his emotions in check. He had barely been seeing Sonny for _four months_ and he was already thinking about love. He only hoped Sonny felt the same way.

Rita didn’t offer her two cents until they were almost to Rafael’s building. “I’m glad you’re happy. But there are exactly zero out players in the Major Leagues.”

“It’s not like that. He’s not ashamed to be with me. It’s not a dirty secret.”

“He might have accepted himself, but he doesn’t want this anywhere near his public image. It’s going to continue to be a secret as long as he’s playing. And he’s what? Mid-thirties? He still has a long career ahead of him.”

“You don’t know him. We just don’t want the media attention.”

The car stopped in front of his building. Rita turned to face him. “Be careful. He is gorgeous, but he can break your heart. I don’t want to see you hurt.”

“Thanks for the pep talk, but I’m a grown man. I can take whatever happens.”

“Well, when _whatever_ does happen, call me. Misery loves company.”

He shook his head. “Goodnight, Rita.”

He didn’t wait to hear her response before stepping out of the car. He didn’t look back as she drove away. He seriously hoped she showed up as defense counsel in one of his cases soon. Might as well channel his anger into something productive.

He received a text notification when he stepped into the elevator. It was from Sonny. _You’re my good luck charm._

Rafael couldn’t hold back a smile. He was so corny. _You won. You made me blush._

He had just stepped into his apartment when Sonny texted back. _Knew I would._

There it was again. The urge to say it. Tell him that he loved him.

As much as he hated to admit it, Rita was probably right. Sonny would end up breaking his heart. He was still a young man. Rafael was probably a fun fling to him. The relationship would end eventually. And he would wallow in his pain while Sonny went galavanting off to enjoy the rest of his life.

Might as well enjoy it while it lasted.


	6. Out Of Left Field

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paparazzi pictures spread rumors of a possible Sonny Carisi girlfriend

“Mr. Barba?”

Rafael frowned. Carmen only called him by his last name in the presence of company. He was alone in his office. He had no appointments scheduled until after lunch. If someone were waiting for him, she would have said so. Therefore, she was using his last name to bring up a serious topic. But going by her expression, it wasn’t anything to do with the job. It was something personal.

“Hold on a second,” he said to Sonny on the other end of the line. “Carmen, what is it?”

“Oh. You’re on the phone. It can wait.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

He was half a second from ending the call and focusing on her problem. But Carmen could stand up for herself. If it was _that_ important, she would have had no qualms about telling him to hang up. He gave her a nod and she went back to her desk.

“Okay. I’m back.”

“I just wanted you to know that those photos are of me and my sister and my niece,” Sonny said seriously.

He frowned. “What photos?”

He laughed. “Well. Guess I called too early.”

“What-”

“Some gossip site posted candids of me with my sister saying she’s my girlfriend and we have a secret love child.”

Rafael laughed and turned to this computer to google it. “They’ll do anything for a scoop, won’t they?”

“Just about,” he agreed. “Bella’s going to be _mortified_.”

The pictures were cute. Sonny carrying his little niece, playing with her in the park. There was a shot of Sonny laughing with Bella that the site held up as _definitive proof_  that they were together.

“Headlines aside, these pictures are actually adorable,” he teased.

He chuckled. “Yeah. My ma’s probably going to want them framed.”

“Thanks for giving me the heads up, though I probably would never have found these on my own.”

“Really? You mean you _don’t_  have Google alerts set up for me?”

“Should I?”

Sonny laughed for a solid thirty seconds. It was one of utter disbelief. “Let me get this straight. You subscribed to ESPN so you could see more of me, but you _aren’t_  stalking me online?”

“I like to keep some mystery in the relationship. Besides, it’s not really fair to you that your life is an open book and mine really isn’t.”

“I appreciate the gesture.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I should go,” Rafael said. “Work to do.”

“Right. Same here. Talk later?”

“Rita’s dragging me out for drinks, but I’ll call you as soon as I get home.”

“Have fun with your friend. Bye, Rafi.”

“Bye, Sonny.” He ended the call, sighed, and leaned back in his chair.

A moment later, Carmen was at his door again.

“Everything okay?” she asked.

“I’m good.” She didn’t usually ask after him like this. Something was up. “What about you?”

“I’m fine, Rafael,” she assured him. “Benson wants to see you.”

“Okay. I’ll be back then.” He shrugged his jacket on and gathered the items he would need to meet with the squad. He stopped at Carmen’s desk on the way out. “You know, you can always talk to me, Carmen.”

She nodded and smiled. “I know. Now, shoo.”

“I’m going. I’m going,” he muttered as he walked away.

As Rafael walked into the precinct, he overheard Fin talking about his son’s upcoming birthday. He wasn’t sure what to get Ken. Rollins was of no help.

“Tie? Pocket square?” Rafael offered as he rounded their desks.

Fin laughed. “Is that what you get your friends?”

He shrugged. “If they’re into that kind of thing.”

“My son is more of a sports guy than a fashion guy, but thanks.”

“Anytime.”

Olivia walked toward them and gave a rundown of a possible new case. Rollins had caught an article recently published in _The Ledger_  with anonymous sources pointing to a couple more celebrities accused of sexual assault. This time, one of the alleged incidents occurred in New York about two years ago. Well within the statute of limitations.

Rafael shook his head. “I don’t know why you called me down here. Even if we _could_  get a subpoena for this, it’s _very_  unlikely they would comply without a fight. First Amendment protections.”

“What about if we just go talk to the reporter?” Amaro asked. “Maybe we can convince her to give us a name.”

“You’re welcome to try but she probably won’t give you anything. Journalists are usually pretty committed to protecting their sources, especially with a story like this.”

“Damn reporters,” Fin muttered.

“Okay,” Olivia said. “Amanda, let’s pay Arielle Hendrickson a visit.”

 

* * *

 

Rafael sighed as he sank down into his chair again. That was a waste of a trip. Honestly, sometimes Olivia could just call him instead of asking him down to the precinct in person.

He turned to his computer intending to get back to work. But the post with the _scandalous_  pictures of Sonny was still up on his browser. So naturally, he became distracted.

Out of curiosity, he scrolled down to the comments. Most of them were by women, judging by their names. And most of them were also lamenting the fact that Sonny Carisi was no longer available. Some of them were more sensible and mentioned that the woman pictured was actually his sister. Others complained that no one actually cared about Sonny Carisi’s dating life and the article shouldn’t have been posted in the first place.

For absolutely no rational reason, Rafael started to become jealous. These women were discussing Sonny’s better features openly. How great his ass looked, how toned his muscles were, how cute his dimples were when he smiled. They were sitting there idolizing him, wanting him. Most had never even met him.

Rafael couldn’t help but think that he was inadequate. Sonny had so many willing people lining up for him. Young, hot, beautiful people. And Sonny was content with him. An old man pushing fifty. It still didn’t make sense to him. Probably never would.

As much as he tried to shake it off, the photos, the comments, and the fangirls hung over Rafael’s head for the rest of the day. Any moment he had free was spent scrolling through Sonny’s social media accounts. He wasn’t sure why he did it. The comments were all pretty similar. Almost no discussion of baseball outside of how good Sonny looked in his uniform. Mostly women (and a few attractive men) commenting about how much they want him. Rafael continued to feel inadequate for the rest of the day.

By that evening, he was very ready for drinks with Rita. Except that her first topic of conversation was _exactly_  the thing he wanted to avoid. Like always. Why couldn’t he have less nosy friends?

“Have you talked to him about the pictures?” The question was out mere seconds after he had even ordered his first drink.

“Yes,” he replied. “I have.”

Rita leaned forward. “And?”

“And what does it matter?”

“Of course it matters. You were supposed to call me.” It was about a month after the game and her sage advice, but Rita was _still_ stuck on the idea that Sonny would break his heart.

“It was nothing,” he said. “It was a sensationalist headline. The photos were of his sister and his niece. And he _specifically_ called me this morning to make sure I knew that.”

“And you believe him?”

Rafael gave her a hard glare. He had no reason to believe that Sonny would lie. He had been nothing but honest with him for the entirety of their relationship. Besides, it would have been far easier to pretend like the photos didn’t exist than make up a story. Rafael didn’t need Rita giving him more doubts than he already had.

“That’s classy of him, I suppose,” Rita said, but her tone was guarded. She was holding back something. Something he really didn’t want to deal with.

He let out a deep sigh. “This was supposed to be a fun night out and you’re going to ruin it.”

“Those photos could have easily been actually _something_. Something that would have hurt you.”

“But they weren’t.”

“But they could have.”

“What is the point of this conversation? I’m happy. Why can’t you just be happy for me?”

“I am happy for you, but I’m also a realist.”

This was a quality Rafael usually appreciated in Rita. But not tonight. He had gone through enough introspection about this already. He just wanted to turn his brain off.

“Great. Can you _not_ for one night? What happened to supporting me as a friend?”

She was not perturbed in the slightest. She just leaned forward and smiled. “I am supporting you. We talked about your sex life last week.”

He rolled his eyes. “No. You asked me questions about my sex life that I refused to answer.”

“You’re dating a professional athlete. I’m curious.”

“Well, you know what that did to the cat.”

She shook her head at him. “You think you’re _so_ clever.”

“I actually am.” He raised an eyebrow. “Whose LSATs are higher?”

Her smile widened. “Mine.”

“Yeah because you took the test _twice_ ,” he spat. He really should not be this worked up over an event that happened many years ago, but here he was. He had had an unexpectedly emotional day. And now, his stress relief was not panning out. The last thing he needed was to call one of his only friends bad names, which he was incredibly close to doing.

Thankfully, Rita didn’t take it personally. She pursed her lips. “Okay then. Someone needs shots stat.”

In addition to his glass of scotch, Rita goaded him into several tequila shots over the next couple hours. It was a few too many drinks for his age, but he managed to place a dinner order to help counteract some of the effects. Still, he was going to wake up with a raging hangover the next day.

But he let himself enjoy it. In a way, it felt like they were back at Harvard. Too many a night had been passed with Rita this way. She was fun most of the time, but especially when she was tipsy.

The rest of the night was a blur of drinks, laughs, and terrible jokes. It ended with Rafael crashing hard on his bed after he barely managed to toe off his shoes. He was going to regret it all the next day, but at that moment, he was finally relaxed. That was all that mattered.

 

* * *

 

Rafael woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and an annoying buzzing in his ear. The buzzing stopped after a moment, but the headache unfortunately remained. Blearily, he opened his eyes to peer at the clock. Just past five in the morning. He had gotten maybe five hours sleep, most likely four.

The buzzing had come from his phone. He received a text message. From Sonny.

 _Got your voicemail. Glad you had fun. Talk tonight?_ The message was punctuated with a kissy face emoji.

Rafael bolted upright and immediately regretted it as the room spun around him. He stilled while he waited for it to stop.

Had he called Sonny last night? What did he say? Nothing too bad, judging by the text. But still. The _mortification_. Of course, Rita would have let him, even if she were sober. She loved to watch him embarrass himself. And maybe she thought a random drunk voicemail would finally be the end of it.

But it wasn’t. Sonny had texted him. He was on the road, taking an early flight with the team from Houston to Seattle. He had probably texted him on the way to the airport or just before boarding. Rafael was desperate to know what he had said and if it was even intelligible speech.

He couldn’t do anything about that now. Rafael liked to be in his office around six. He had just enough time to get ready and make it to the building. He was thankful Sonny decided to text him at just the right time. In his drunken state, he had somehow turned off his alarm.

He typed out a short message. _Nothing embarrassing? Call you at seven._

The response was almost instantaneous. _It was cute. Looking forward to seeing you_.

Rafael smiled and carefully stood to head into his closet. Hopefully that meant the voicemail wasn’t too terrible. In the evenings while Sonny was away, they often chatted on Skype or FaceTime. Rafael would watch Sonny eat while he folded laundry or organized his notes from the day. It was a casual intimacy that Rafael loved. He put it in the pile of evidence that Sonny was in this relationship for real.

Despite the hangover, Rafael was in a good mood when he walked into his office a little later that morning. It continued until he was called down to the precinct and overheard Rollins and Amaro speculating about the stupid pictures. A major sports outlet had picked up the story from the gossip site and now it was officially viral.

“I don’t know why you care about this,” Amaro said. “You’re not even a Mets fan.”

Rollins rolled her eyes. “I told you. I root for the Mets as long as they’re not hurting the Braves. And this isn’t even about Carisi’s performance on the field so I’m allowed to talk about it as much as I damn please.”

“It’s not like you ever had a shot with him. I don’t know why you’re upset.”

“I’m not upset. Did you _see_  him with the kid? It’s adorable.”

“What do we have, detectives?” Rafael asked as he approached. Better to cut the conversation off early than join it. He was still bitter about how the pictures made him feel, even if the story wasn’t true. He didn’t want to show his hand.

The squad updated him on their pending investigations, but none of it was anything Rafael could do much about. Yet another wasted trip.

“Any luck with the reporter?” he asked as Olivia walked him out.

“She says she’ll ask her sources if they want to speak with us, but she didn’t give us any names.”

“At least she’s trying.”

“I guess so. I’ll call you if anything else comes up.”

Rafael nodded and stepped into the elevator. He sighed and leaned against the wall after the doors dinged shut. The hangover and lack of sleep were wearing on him. He couldn’t wait to get home, call Sonny, and relax.

 

* * *

 

“I’m sorry I forgot to Skype you yesterday. I was really drunk,” Rafael said as he leaned back into the pillows propped up on his headboard. His laptop was balanced on his knees.

He had contemplated calling him from his office as he often did on weeknights. He would use Sonny as a break from his work. But he decided to head home at a reasonable hour after spending 30 minutes trying to read a witness statement and not comprehending any of it. He would be of more use when he was better rested.

Sonny laughed on the screen. It looked like he was sitting at the desk in his hotel room. He wore a loose-fitting blue shirt. His hair was disheveled and damp from a shower. Rafael tried hard to focus on what he was saying instead of staring at how beautiful he was.

“I know,” he said. “I heard the voicemail. What’s this about telling the entire bar you have a boyfriend?”

Rafael flushed. So _that’s_  what he had talked about. “Oh that. It’s nothing. I get a little too enthusiastic when I’m drunk. Someone called Rita my girlfriend and I had to set the record straight.”

Sonny smiled. “That’s sweet, Rafael.”

He rolled his eyes. “If you say so.”

He leaned toward the screen as his smile grew wider. “You know what else you said?”

“Why are you teasing me? You said it wasn’t embarrassing.”

Sonny raised a finger. “No. I said it was cute. Embarrassing depends on your perspective.”

Rafael groaned and threw his head back into his pillows. “Out with it, Carisi.”

“You also said that I’m pretty and that it’s not fair that I am and I quote: ‘ _soooo preeeeetty_ ’.” He made air quotes around the last two words.

“Okay. That is moderately embarrassing. But not untrue.”

“So you think I’m pretty?”

Rafael leaned forward and looked directly into the camera. “I think you’re beautiful.”

Then, an exquisite blush spread across Sonny’s face and down his chest. But he still met Rafael’s eyes and offered a grin. “Well, thank you.”

“You’re very welcome.”

“But you know what else you said?”

“Just _how_  long is this voicemail?”

“This is the last thing. You said you missed me.”

Now, Rafael was blushing. “That is also not inaccurate.”

“I miss you too. I’ll be back in New York at the end of the week.”

Rafael smiled. He was happy that he would be able to see Sonny again. But another part of him wasn’t really looking forward to it. He would be faced with his gorgeous body in person, and likely be hit with yet another wave of questions. He still hadn’t settled on a rational reason why Sonny would choose him over any of the eager fans he had encountered online. Many of them were much more attractive than him. Some of them in much more lucrative jobs than him.

“Is something wrong?” Sonny frowned.

He shook his head hastily. “No. Nothing.”

“Do you not want to see me when I come back?”

“No, no. It’s not that. It’s really not important.”

He frowned. “Something _is_  bothering you though.”

Rafael took in a deep breath. “Do people you don’t know try to flirt with you?”

“Yeah. Sure. It happens. Women try to grab my ass all the time. I can usually dodge them though.” He paused and examined Rafael carefully. “Hold on. Are you jealous?”

“I-no. I just read some comments online. Everyone thinks you’re amazing. Not that I don’t think that but-“

Sonny laughed. “You’re jealous, Rafi. It’s okay. I get a lot of attention.”

“You don’t have to _brag_  about it,” he mumbled.

He shrugged. “It’s true. If it helps, groupies are definitely not my thing. I’m not a casual sex kind of guy, unlike some of my teammates. Besides, exactly _when_  am I supposed to be cheating when I talk to you almost every night?”

“I never said-”

“I know, babe.” Sonny gave him a bright, reassuring smile. “Just underlining my point.”

“Okay,” he swallowed “I’m sorry.” And he really was. He knew it was stupid to have these doubts, but they lingered no matter how much he tried to rationalize them away.

“You have nothing to apologize for. It’s a completely natural reaction. I’ll take you any day over dumb tipsy groupies.”

Rafael chuckled. “That’s not really a high bar to clear. But I get what you’re saying. I’m glad you enjoy my company.”

“You’re much better company than a lot of people in my life. Wanna hear what one of my teammates said today?”

Sonny regaled him with random and crazy stories from traveling with the team. One of them somehow lost his cleats. Another came incredibly close to missing their flight. And the night before, yet another kept Sonny up well into the early morning hours with an unnecessarily loud hook up.

He laughed as Sonny complained. He also shared a few stories of his own, grousing about how his own coworkers seemed to completely waste his time on occasion. Sonny, of course, particularly enjoyed hearing that the detectives had gossiped about the pictures.

“If only they knew the person I’m _actually_  dating is someone they see on a regular basis,” Sonny said with a smirk.

Rafael snorted. “Yeah. They would go _ballistic_.”

He felt truly relaxed for the first time over the past couple days. Maybe he should have come to Sonny with his concerns earlier. Rafael had underestimated the impact of hearing reassurances from the man himself. And seeing Sonny’s ridiculous hand gestures while he talked always managed to put a smile on his face.

He really _did_  miss him. Rafael was looking forward to seeing him when he returned to the city. Sonny had become the best and most beautiful stress reliever in many ways. He managed to completely forget all of his worries when he talked to him. It was one of the best feelings in the world.


	7. Playing Hardball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new case involving an MLB player sets Rafael on edge

When Rafael arrived at his office on Friday morning, a package was sitting on his desk. He paused in the doorway. He was always hesitant with packages delivered for him. As a somewhat controversial public figure, he received hate mail quite regularly. He had become suspicious of any unmarked anything arriving for him. What if it was a menacing note? A bomb? Anthrax?

Carmen’s short laugh pulled him out of his dramatics. “Relax. It’s been inspected by security. It’s in the clear. According to them, the sender says it’s a gift.”

“A gift?” He walked to his desk and opened the brown box with a pair of scissors. Inside was a blue box tied closed with a navy ribbon. He picked it up and set it on his desk.

“Wow, that’s pretty,” she commented from the doorway. “This person went to a lot trouble.”

He ignored her for the moment and pulled the bow loose. He lifted the lid and was greeted with an assortment of packaged snacks. Pretzels. Goldfish. Almonds. Trail mix. Mints. Dead center were two tickets to a Mets home game and a folded piece of paper that was likely a note. He didn’t have to read it to know who this was from.

Carmen had moved to stand in front of his desk. “Everything you like. You got a secret admirer, boss?”

Rafael looked up from the package. She had a smug smile and twinkling eyes.

He cocked his head, considering. “You know who it’s from, don’t you?”

They had worked together for years — ever since he took the job at the Brooklyn DA’s office. She was so dedicated that she had followed him to Manhattan. She could read his tells just as well as he could hers. He shouldn’t be surprised that she pieced together who he was seeing.

She shrugged. “I couldn’t figure out why you suddenly started streaming baseball games in your office until I saw the name ‘Sonny’ appear on your phone when he called you once. Also, you seemed pretty smitten with him when I showed you that shirtless video.”

“I was not discreet at all then. Thanks for playing along.”

“Anytime. I’m glad you’re happy, Rafael. I haven’t seen you this relaxed and cheery in years.”

“Thanks, Carmen.”

She nodded and turned to go back to her desk.

“You knew when the pictures leaked,” he added, his mind flying back to that morning. “You came in to warn me.”

She smiled softly. “I wasn’t sure how true the story was, but I thought you should know.”

“It’s not true, for the record. Thanks for having my back.”

“You scratch mine, I scratch yours.”

Rafael picked up the tickets from the box. “Any interest in going to a Mets game?”

Carmen laughed. “Thanks but no thanks. You go. He’s your boyfriend, after all.”

“Right,” he chuckled. It was a miracle he even had the chance and opportunity to go to the first game. He doubted he would be able to attend a second within a month. The tickets were for a Wednesday night as well. Weeknights were usually a no-go.

Carmen flashed him an encouraging smile and she finally walked back to her desk.

Rafael fished out the note from in between the snacks and unfolded it.

_Hey. I know it wasn’t a fight really, but consider this an apology gift. Hope it helps. xoxo_

He smiled and shook his head. Of course, Sonny would apologize when it wasn’t necessary. If anything, Rafael had been in the wrong. He had gotten jealous over nothing. But Sonny always went the extra mile. The package was another item to add to the good pile. Now, he just had to figure out who to give the tickets to.

 

* * *

 

The opportunity presented itself when Olivia called him down to the precinct later that day.

“Hey, Fin,” Rafael greeted.

“Hi, Barba.” Fin stared at him, suspicious. Rafael almost never addressed the detectives by name unless he was correcting their ideas about a case.

“Are you still looking for a birthday gift for Ken?”

He tilted his head, eyes narrowing. “Maybe. What’s it to you?”

He rolled his eyes. Fin was a seasoned detective but he didn’t need to treat a career ADA with the same suspicion as a perp. “I have two tickets to a Mets game in a couple weeks, if he would be interested in that kind of thing.”

His expression livened up somewhat. “You really have Mets tickets in your pocket?”

“Actually,” Rafael reached into his jacket pocket and pulled them out. He stashed them there just in case he ran into someone who expressed interest throughout the day. So far, no one had.

“No shit.” His eyes widened. “You really willing to part with them?”

“I’m sure he’ll enjoy it more than I will.” It wasn’t a completely inaccurate statement. Rafael usually spent the bulk of the game anxiously waiting for Sonny to walk out onto the field in the later innings. And after having seen him play in person, he knows that wait would stretch all the more.

“Seriously? That’s what’s up,” Fin said as he took the tickets from him. “Thanks, man. I owe you one.”

“You really don’t. No biggie.”

“Yeah, I do. How much did these cost?”

“Nothing. Promise. Friend gave them to me, but I can’t make it.”

Fin laughed. “Re-gifting, huh? I see. Still taking you to lunch or something.”

“Sure. Whatever you want.”

Then, Olivia called over from the conference table where Rollins and Amaro were already seated. “Barba? Fin? You done gossiping?”

Both men chuckled. “Yeah. We’re done,” Fin said as they walked over to join them.

“So is there an actual fire this time or are we just talking again?” Rafael said as he sat at the table across from Amaro and Rollins.

Olivia gave him a stern look, and Rollins cut in. “You know those anonymous sources in _The Ledger_? Well, one of them actually panned out.”

Rafael sat a little straighter. He had read part of the article. Some of the accusations were particularly heinous. A lesser prosecutor would sidestep the case, but he never backed down from a challenge.

“Who is it?” he asked.

“We’re looking at a MLB hitter,” Olivia said.

Rafael stilled. He had not read far enough to get to that account. The article had gotten lost underneath his pile of paperwork. If Sonny was involved in the case, Rafael wouldn't be able to prosecute.

“Which team?” The question was out before he realized he had thought it. His heart stumbled and faltered in his chest. He almost missed Olivia’s curious look in his panic. But he _needed_  to know.

“The Dodgers,” Amaro supplied.

He let out a breath of relief. Unless Sonny was somehow a witness to the incident, Rafael wouldn’t have to pass the case on to someone else. Normally, doing so wouldn’t be that big of an issue to him, but he didn’t want to face questions from anyone. He would at least have to tell the DA about his personal involvement. Thankfully, that wouldn’t happen. Sonny almost never spent time with members of another team, let alone at a club. He also had never played for any team in California.

“I didn’t know you cared that much,” Olivia teased.

He recovered and rolled his eyes. “I can be sympathetic. Don’t want anyone on the squad’s favorite team to be tarnished.”

“Thanks, but I think we’ll live,” Rollins said.

“It’s not even your team, Rollins,” Fin interjected.

“Alright, guys,” Olivia said. “Let’s get to the case, shall we?”

According to the victim that had come forward, Dodgers hitter Emilio Ortega had reciprocated her flirting late one night in a club. He led her into a back room. When he started going too far too fast, she told him to stop and tried to push him away. But he didn’t listen and took what he wanted anyway. This happened about two years ago. It made Rafael sick. A star abusing his fame like that.

But unfortunately, all of their evidence was circumstantial at this point. Ortega had been in the Major Leagues for several years. He was rich and could afford the best representation. He wouldn’t go down without a fight. This had to be a strong case.

“Delayed disclosure so no rape kit? And apparently no witnesses willing to come forward?” Rafael asked.

“Unfortunately, the club wipes its footage every three months so there’s no way we’re getting anything from two years ago,” Rollins said.

“So we’re nowhere. This guy is a celebrity. We need more if we want this to stick. Try to find a pattern. If he was this brazen in a public space two years ago, he’s probably done it since.”

“I’m already looking through his social media for his frequent party locations.”

“Maybe he posted selfies with more girls,” Amaro added.

“Okay,” Olivia said. “We’ll canvass those locations, try to find witnesses or point toward some possible victims.”

“Sounds like you have your work cut out for you,” Rafael commented. “Good luck on your fishing trip.”

 

* * *

 

Rafael called Sonny when he returned to his office. He wanted to thank him for the package, but also confirm that he had no contact with Ortega. He knew it was unlikely. Sonny didn’t have many friends outside the Mets. But it didn’t hurt to be sure. After the third ring, he wasn’t expecting Sonny to pick up, but then he finally did.

“Hey, Raf. How’s it going?”

He rolled his eyes. He could hear the cocky smirk in his voice. No doubt he was very proud about the package he had sent. He decided to play it coy. “Oh, you know. Just another day at the office over here.”

“Yeah?” He knew Rafael was toying with him. “Nothing too exciting?”

“Well, not really,” He said, his tone neutral. “Some random person sent me this very nice gift though.”

He laughed. “Glad you like it, Raf.”

He smiled. “In all seriousness, I enjoyed it. Even if it was completely unnecessary.”

“Consider it an apology for me being famous and having fangirls.”

“I don’t think you should have to apologize for your success. But I’ll accept it.”

“As long as that’s settled.”

Rafael paused, swallowing. He needed to ask before he lost his nerve. “Hey, but I have a question.”

“Sounds serious.”

“It’s not a big deal,” he said, in part to convince himself. As long as Sonny wasn’t involved, this was just like any other case with a celebrity defendant. Challenging, but rewarding. “Do you know Emilio Ortega?”

“You mean the guy on the Dodgers?”

“Yes.” He barely ever discussed other baseball players. It made sense that Sonny would need the confirmation, even if it only made him more anxious.

“Like personally? I don’t know every single player in the league. There’s just too many of them.”

“So that’s a no? You never went out for drinks with some of the Dodgers or anything like that?”

“No, I haven’t. I usually only go out with my teammates if I do at all. Why? What’s this about?”

“Nothing yet,” he sighed. “I can’t say a lot right now.”

A pause. “Ah. Okay.”

“Yeah.”

Rafael knew Sonny had guessed that an investigation was underway. He hated feeling exposed like this. He knew Sonny would never leak anything, but it felt odd that someone not related to the case had even implied knowledge of an open investigation. Rafael felt he had broken protocol, even though he knew he hadn’t. This was also the first time he was required to keep something from Sonny. It didn’t sit well at all.

Sonny, as if sensing Rafael’s discomfort, swiftly changed the topic. “I’m glad you like the gift, Rafi.”

He gave a small smile and leaned against his desk. “It was sweet. I’m going to be stocked on snacks for awhile.”

“I like how that’s the part you care about. Not the quality seats I gave you.”

“It’s not my fault baseball games last eight hours and don’t mesh with my schedule.”

“The average game is just over three hours, you know. But I respect that you’re busy.”

A knock sounded on his door. Likely Carmen informing him someone was waiting to see him.

“I have to go,” Rafael said. “See you Sunday?”

“Yep. My place.”

“Okay. Bye.”

“Bye, Rafi.”

Rafael let his smile sit on his face for a moment after he ended the call. Then, he stood and went to the door.

 

* * *

 

Rafael’s relaxing Saturday morning was interrupted by a call from Olivia. He was in the middle of reading recaps of the previous night’s game. The Mets had killed the Dodgers eight to zero. (A feat Rafael was proud of, especially given the case.) Ortega was now in custody at the precinct. A brand new victim had reported an assault during the night. Same club even. Old habits die hard, it seemed.

“He lawyered up fast,” Rafael commented as he walked toward the interrogation room. Ortega was seated inside. He was still dressed casually from the night before; his dark hair a mess. He sunk low in the chair, his arms hanging limply in exhaustion. Buchanan stood near the table, staring Amaro down.

“That’s what happens when you make millions a year,” Rollins drawled, sipping her coffee.

He looked to Olivia. “Let me guess. He’s claiming it was consensual.”

“Right on the money,” she replied. “But we have her rape kit, security footage from the club, and several witnesses.”

“And we found another victim from last year,” Rollins said. “Same MO.”

“Good. Keep looking,” Rafael said. “There has to be more. I want to pin this guy for good. Check with LAPD if you have to.” They nodded in agreement. “Alright. Better go say hi.”

He opened the door.

“Mr. Barba,” Buchanan greeted.

“Mr. Buchanan.” He walked to stand next to Amaro. “Your client’s in some trouble.”

“Well, as I was just explaining to Detective Amaro, my client maintains that all sexual contact with these girls was completely consensual.”

“Good for you. But these _women_  say differently.” He looked to Ortega. “And given your party habits, I’m sure there are others.”

Ortega sat up straight in his chair and placed his hands on the table. He glared. “You feeling good, papi? Bet you’re just jealous.”

Rafael looked at Amaro and raised an eyebrow. Silently asking: _you going to take this or shall I?_  The detective smirked and shrugged. Rafael’s turn. Amaro probably already had plenty of words with him before he was called in anyway.

“The only thing I’m _jealous_  of is that you get paid millions to swing and miss obvious fastballs,” Rafael said. Ortega’s performance during Friday’s game had been lackluster. His right hand curled into a fist on the table. “And your personal life hasn’t been better. It’s over, amiguito.”

Ortega stared him down, as if intimidation would make him change his mind. Buchanan spoke up again. “Speaking of baseball, Mr. Ortega has another game this evening and he is required to report to the clubhouse around noon. We’ve given our statement. So are we done?”

Rafael scoffed. Buchanan usually was ornery, but this was exceptional. “Weren’t you listening? It’s over. His schedule doesn’t matter.” He didn’t mention that it was unusual for seasoned players to be in the clubhouse before two proceeding an evening game. That was beside the point.

He met Ortega’s eyes again. He needed to know he wasn’t getting away with this. His celebrity status didn’t change a thing. “As it stands, there’s enough evidence to press charges. Three counts of rape? You’re never setting foot on a field again.”

He nodded to Amaro, who cuffed Ortega and led him out of the room. Buchanan followed close behind.

“And that’s the ball game,” Rafael muttered to himself.

 

* * *

 

After the arraignment, Rafael’s Saturday was rather uneventful.

He spent a couple hours obsessing over his argument in court that allowed Ortega to be let out on bail, though the amount was substantially high. He wouldn’t be allowed to leave the state until after trial, if he was acquitted. And the story had already spread. The Dodgers immediately put him on suspension pending his trial. Just on word of the charges, several of his sponsors had terminated their contracts. Ortega’s life as he knew it was already over.

Rafael settled in around 1 p.m. to watch the game. The Mets once again soundly beat the Dodgers. Seemed that their weak link wasn’t Ortega. The Mets were just too good for them.

He relished the few minutes he saw Sonny on screen. He was powerful on the mound. Rafael wished the uniform was a little more revealing. He wanted to see those muscles working, rippling under his skin. Given the chilly day, Sonny was wearing long sleeves under his jersey. But even the view Rafael received when he went without an undershirt wasn’t enough.

On Sunday, Rafael spent the morning and afternoon anxiously anticipating that evening. Sonny was going to try to cook a traditional Cuban dish. He had never attempted it before and welcomed the challenge. Rafael only cared that he would be spending time with him. The dinner was secondary.

Sonny beamed when he opened the door. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Rafael smiled wide in return and took a moment to look him up and down. Sonny was wearing jeans and a gray henley shirt. Somehow he was even more tempting with so little skin showing.

“So, um, I may have started cooking without you,” he said as Rafael stepped inside.

“That’s okay. Less time to wait.”

“Yeah. That’s the thing.”

Rafael glanced over at the kitchen. Nothing seemed out of place, though it was maybe a little too spotless for there to have been any recent cooking.

He looked back at Sonny. “What happened?”

He wouldn’t even meet his eyes. He looked down at the floor. “I…burned the chicken.”

Rafael laughed. “What? You? Chef extraordinaire? Sonny, it’s arroz con pollo. Rice and chicken. It’s not a complicated dish.”

He looked up at him earnestly. “Look, it wasn’t exactly my fault. I was in the middle of cooking. I had the TV on and I heard about your case. I got distracted. The chicken was an unfortunate casualty.”

Rafael stared at him. This man whose heart was so large that he stopped everything when he heard just a mention of him. Who was ashamed to admit he burned their dinner by accident. It was so unfair that Rafael had already fallen hard. It was too early for anything he was feeling in that moment.

“It’s okay, babe,” he said as he patted his arm. “I was a little surprised when you offered to cook. You just played three back-to-back games. You should rest.”

Sonny rolled his eyes. “You _do_  know that’s what I do all the time, right? I’d be a bad pitcher if they had to bench me every other game.”

“You’re probably tired is all.”

“Resting doesn’t sound bad,” he conceded. “I already ordered Chinese. Should be here in a few minutes.”

“Sounds great,” Rafael said as he took a seat at the table. Sonny sat next to him. His thigh pressed against his almost instinctually. “So you heard about the case?”

The last thing Rafael wanted to think about right now was work, but he wanted to know Sonny’s thoughts. He had wondered if Sonny would defend Ortega as a fellow player. The idea that Sonny would say something like that set him on edge.

“Yeah. It sounds rough. You had a good soundbite though. I like your blue suit.”

“It’s navy,” he responded on reflex. “But thank you. So you agree with the charges? Some players have defended him.”

“They’re inclined to because they’re teammates. Which on some level, I understand.” He sighed. “But I don’t think I could ever defend someone who would do that. Whether we play together or not.”

“So the MLB isn’t a boy’s club after all,” he quipped. “That’s a relief.”

Sonny chuckled. “Kind of hard for it not to be a boy’s club when it’s all men. But I don’t tend to follow the herd on a lot of things. I usually avoid discussing my sex life with my teammates, for example, while they usually spare no detail.”

“I don’t understand the need to overshare like that.” Rafael cringed. He had a few fellow lawyers try to initiate similar discussions with him in the past. Even ones who were openly gay. “Does anyone on the team know you’re not straight?”

He shrugged. “I haven’t really told anyone. It just doesn’t come up. Really it’s none of their business. I have told a player on another team though. He was struggling with his own sexuality.”

Sonny opened himself up to being outed just to help a player he probably barely knew. He really _did_  have a heart of gold. For the first time, Rafael thought that he wasn’t good enough for him. Not because he was too old or of a lower social status. But because Sonny was fundamentally a better person than him.

“You’re too nice,” Rafael said.

He shrugged off the compliment, humble as ever. “Part of my charm.”

After a chime sounded, Sonny glanced at his watch. He only wore the Apple Watch in his off time, but he swore by it — despite Rafael’s teasing about how clunky it looked. “Food’s on the way up.”

“That’s a nice service your building has.”

“Nah. The doorman likes me so he’ll text me when I have people heading my way.”

He shook his head fondly. Was there anyone who could dislike Sonny? He was so friendly and courteous and selfless.

Less than a minute later, the food arrived. They dished out their favorite entrees and relaxed while they ate. Sonny continued to sit incredibly close to Rafael. His thigh or knee was always touching him. At one point, they were playing footsie under the table like a pair of teenagers. Sonny had this way of magnetizing Rafael to the moment. Everything outside of the two of them just fell away.

After they finished their food, Sonny stretched his arms above his head. Rafael became distracted by the small sliver of his stomach that was exposed and almost missed the question. “What time is it?” he asked.

Rafael glanced at his own classic, analog watch. “Almost nine. Why?”

“Perfect.” He grinned. “Come on. Get up. I want to show you something.”

He was already standing but Rafael didn’t move. “Show me what?”

“Just trust me. Come on.”

Rafael stood when he saw Sonny grab a set of car keys. So this was going to be an expedition. He wondered what Sonny would want to share this much out of the blue. He followed him into the elevator, where Sonny kept brushing his arm against his. They stepped out into the parking garage. Sonny pressed a button on his keys. A red Mustang responded.

Rafael laughed. “You wanted to show off your car?” This was the one thing he would have expected from a baseball player. A sports car.

“Nope. We’re going to drive somewhere. But isn’t she beautiful?”

“We’re going to _drive_  in this thing?”

“I’m a good driver, Rafi.”

“You know, most people buy these types of cars to collect them. Not actually take them on real streets.”

Sonny rolled his eyes. “Just get in, will you?”

They climbed in. Sonny effortlessly drove out of the garage. He wondered when he had time to use his car when he was constantly traveling with the team. He couldn’t really leave it overnight at the ballpark or the airport.

Sonny wouldn’t tell him where they were going during the 20-minute trip. Rafael was finally clued in when Citi Field loomed in the distance.

“I’ve been here before, you know,” Rafael said.

“Yes. I know. But not like I’m about to show you.” Sonny looked over at him a smiled. The action should not have warmed Rafael as much as it did. But his heart was out of control when it came to this man.

A few minutes later, Sonny parked the Mustang just outside the player’s entrance. Someone on the maintenance staff waved as they stepped out of the car.

“Late night stroll?” The older man asked with a wink.

“Yeah. Thanks, Al,” Sonny said. Because _of course_  he was friendly and familiar with people on staff here as well. Rafael didn’t know why that surprised him. “We’ll be about half an hour.”

“Okay. Have fun.”

Sonny smiled at him again and led Rafael inside.

“You gonna clue me in as to why we’re here?” he asked as Sonny turned down a narrow hallway.

“Haven’t you heard that patience is a virtue?”

“I have, but I disagree.”

Sonny snorted. “You would.”

He pushed open a set of double doors and then they were standing in the clubhouse. The locker room. Each player had a place to store their uniform, equipment, and other items. The space was tastefully decorated with the team colors. Rafael stared.

Sonny was several steps ahead of him, but stopped and turned back. “Come on. This isn’t why we’re here.”

“Which one is yours?” he asked.

He pointed toward a locker on the right side. Rafael walked over and peered in. There wasn’t anything too personal. Probably a side effect of not having doors. But he spent a good minute examining his uniform and glove.

“Come on,” Sonny said softly. “This isn’t even the best part."

Rafael frowned. “Where are we going next? The batting cages?”

He laughed. “Nope. But we can go there after if you want.”

He followed Sonny through the locker room and into another narrow hallway. He resisted the urge to ask him another question. He walked beside him silently. Sonny pressed a hand against his back and offered a soft smile.

There was another door. Sonny opened it and pushed him through. The dugout. Rafael looked around while Sonny shook his head.

“Hey,” Rafael defended. “You get to see this every day. I don’t.”

He raised his hands in surrender. “I know. I know. We just haven’t even gotten to the good part.”

Sonny walked past him toward the other end of the dugout. A small set of stairs led upward. Rafael followed as Sonny ascended them.

And then, they were standing on the field. Rafael was stunned. Even with the lights off, much of it was visible in the moonlight. The bases gleamed. Bright white against the dark dirt. The outfield was mostly dark, which only made the field seem bigger. It was _expansive_. It seemed to stretch out for miles, even though he knew the average field was about 400 feet square.

“Told you,” Sonny murmured in his ear. “This is the best part.”

“I-it’s…wow.” Rafael wasn’t romantic about sports at all, but somehow he was speechless.

Sonny was beaming. “Come on. You haven’t gotten the full effect.”

And then he was walking out onto the field. It felt wrong for Rafael to follow. This wasn’t his domain. He hesitantly stepped forward.

They stopped once at the pitcher’s mound. It was farther away than Rafael had anticipated. “I didn’t fully appreciate the scale until now,” he said, slightly winded.

“Yeah. It’s big,” Sonny agreed. He gently tugged him by the arm and pulled him to stand on the mound facing home plate. He stood right behind him, placing his hands on Rafael’s arms. “Now, take a look.”

He did. And his breath was stolen for a second time. Before there was a sea of grass. Now, there was a sea of seats staring down at them. Rafael was used to performing in front of a crowd, but even with seats empty, he started to feel self-conscious. He had no idea how Sonny handled that _many_  eyes on him every night.

He turned around to face him. “Why did you want to show me this now?” They had been together for almost five months. If Sonny wanted to show off, he would have done it a lot earlier in their relationship.

He paused for a moment before answering. “I know you see a lot of bad things in your job. This last case isn’t fun and it doesn’t help baseball’s image. There are going to be people dismissing all athletes as entitled and selfish. And a lot of players can be that way. After _years_  of playing on fields across the country, the awe can dim a little. It starts becoming just another day at the office.” He sighed and shook his head. “But not to me. What you’re feeling right now? _That’s_  how I feel every time I walk out here. There’s just something… _magical_  about it. And that will still be here long after I retire. And long after the next rookie who takes my place retires. I wanted to show you that baseball is so much more than the player of the day. It’s…it’s one of the best things to ever happen to me.”

Rafael stared at him in awe. He went through _this much_  effort to help cheer him up during a difficult case. He really was perfect. And his passion was infectious. He could feel the magic he was describing.

In that moment, Rafael felt a little closer to him. This was the spot where Sonny stood every night. Baseball was one of the best things to happen to Rafael too. The proof was standing right in front of him. He closed the space between them, giving him a heated kiss. Sonny reciprocated eagerly.

“Didn’t know I wanted to do that in the middle of the field until right now,” he panted when they broke apart.

Rafael laughed. “You’re welcome. Thank you for showing me this.”

He beamed. “You are also welcome.”

He turned back to look out on the sea of seats. Thousands of people watched Sonny play every night. Millions of people watched him on TV. Standing right here, he was powerful. It was a magnificent feeling.

Rafael felt the distance between them. How could Sonny want to be with him when his job was standing in this spot every night? This was an absolutely special place. Much more special than anything Rafael experienced on a daily basis. Sonny could be dating someone just as magnificent as him. A pop star, an actor, a famous author, a better attorney even. Not a lowly, overworked Manhattan ADA. He could never come close to giving Sonny what he felt like in this moment. He was inadequate in every way.

But Sonny looked down at him with an incredibly wide smile. Like he was another one of the best things to happen to him. And that warmed Rafael to his core.


	8. The Off-Season

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The season is over and Rafael takes Sonny out to celebrate

“Come on! That’s a completely unfair call!”

Rafael rolled his eyes at Rollins and sipped his scotch. The call was completely fair, judging by his limited baseball knowledge — even if it was against the Mets. But he wasn’t about to say so in front of the entire squad. And everyone else watching in the bar. Not only would he be crucified, but he might also give away his little secret.

A secret he had been keeping for almost six months now. They would hit the mark officially in about a week. Half a year secretly dating Sonny Carisi. He could barely believe it.

But the elapsed time made him wonder just how much longer he could keep it under wraps. How much longer Sonny could. While Rafael didn’t care much about sharing details of his personal life with others, he knew Sonny did. He had shared so many stories about his family offhandedly with Rafael. No doubt there were plenty more he shared with his teammates. It was probably bothering him to have to hide that he was dating a man. Unable to fully share as much as he wanted with his friends and family.

“Enjoying the game?” Olivia asked.

“Oh yeah. It’s riveting,” he replied.

It was the wildcard game. Whoever won would continue on in the playoff tournament. If the Mets continued to play well, they could make it to the World Series. But the game wasn’t going too great for them so far. Three innings down and they were losing three to zero.

Rafael didn’t want to be there much longer. He didn’t want to risk the squad seeing his reaction to Sonny walking on the field. He prided himself on his control, but it seemed he couldn’t control himself when Sonny was involved. At the very least, someone would figure out he was attracted to Carisi. He didn’t need the teasing. It would be much easier to enjoy the exquisite view of his boyfriend on his much larger TV at home.

He drained his scotch and stood. Rollins protested as he shrugged on his jacket.

“You leaving already?”

He nodded. “I’ve already spent one night with you all watching baseball. Not anticipating another.”

She laughed. “You enjoyed yourself last time. Carisi isn’t even in the game yet.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Amaro chimed in. “They’ll be down by eight runs by the time they put him on the field.”

“Doesn’t change the view though.”

“How about you crush on Braves players instead, Amanda?” Fin said.

“I would if they even made it to the playoffs. Damn disappointing.”

“Let the man leave, guys,” Olivia interjected over all of them. She gave Rafael a warm smile. “Have a good night.”

“Thank you. You too.” He turned toward the rest of the squad. “Enjoy the game.”

They all waved and said their goodbyes, eyes glued to the screen. As he walked toward the door, Rafael heard Fin grumbling about why the Mets should start Carisi instead of saving him for last. He smiled to himself. Maybe they should put Sonny in at the beginning of the game. It might save the team some headaches and loses.

The second he stepped into his apartment, he turned on his TV. He left the game playing in the background as he went about making dinner for himself. An inning and a half had passed during his trek home. It would still be a while before Sonny would appear. Rafael settled in on the couch with his dinner and some case files as he waited.

Amaro was right. The Mets were down eight to one by the time Sonny walked out of the dugout. That difference would be hard to make up in the last three innings. It didn’t matter much to Rafael. He just wanted to see Sonny play.

And he played beautifully. His form was perfect. He threw several strikes. But it unfortunately wasn’t enough to help the Mets along. The hitters still failed to make it on base more often than not. They managed to get in two more runs before the end of the ninth inning. But so did the Padres. The game ended ten to three with a Mets loss. They would not continue into the playoffs. Sonny was probably incredibly disappointed.

Rafael began winding down for bed. He wasn’t anticipating a call from Sonny that night. He likely would want to spend it with his teammates. But his phone rang just after he had changed into his sleeping clothes.

“Hey,” Rafael answered hesitantly. Sonny might have butt dialed or maybe he was already tipsy and called without thinking.

“Hey,” Sonny echoed. He seemed oddly cheery for having just lost a chance at the World Series. There was quite a bit of commotion in the background. “Glad you’re still up.”

“Where are you?”

“In the clubhouse. I couldn’t wait to talk to you.”

“Booty call?” He snarked, but really he was stunned. This was the first time he had called him in the clubhouse. He had called in the vicinity of his teammates before while traveling. But this was a completely different situation. There was almost no privacy in the locker room.

Sony laughed. “Nah. Just miss hearing your voice.”

“Trying to get over losing?”

“Not really. It happens.”

“It’s okay. I know how you feel. My little league team never made it too far either.”

“Seriously? You waited _this long_ to mention that?”

Rafael shrugged. “It wasn’t relevant. Seeing as it happened over three decades ago.”

“You better tell me more when I see you next. Want to go out sometime this week?” Wolf whistles sounded in the background. Sonny chuckled and shushed them.

Rafael smirked. “Yes. Let me know when you’re available.”

“Okay but this isn’t going to be a casual thing. I want to actually go out to a restaurant and everything. End of the season and all.”

He laughed. “You want to celebrate losing?”

“I want to celebrate being able to see you more often.” A chorus of aw’s went off behind Sonny. Rafael could _feel_  him rolling his eyes at his teammates.

“Okay. That sounds good.”

“Great. Talk to you later.”

“Goodnight, Sonny.”

“Night, babe.” He hung up.

Rafael shook his head as he settled into bed. Most likely Sonny received even more teasing from his teammates for the pet name. It was nice they felt comfortable enough to do that, but it set Rafael on edge. Most likely they had all assumed Sonny was dating a woman. He wondered if he would get the same reactions if they knew we was with a man instead. He wondered how many would ignore him or throw hateful comments. How many would outright attack him. The MLB was a boy’s club after all. He doubted Sonny would fit in quite as well if they knew he wasn’t straight.

 

* * *

 

They set a date for Friday night. The plan was to take Sonny to a family-owned Cuban restaurant Rafael was familiar with. It was the perfect symmetry to their first date at the Italian restaurant. This was the best way to celebrate the off-season as well as their six month anniversary. Rafael could not wait.

Until he had to postpone their plans. An undercover operation made sudden headway and he was needed during interrogations. Sonny was understanding, as usual. It probably helped that they were bringing down a human trafficking operation. Rafael still felt that Sonny was a little too conciliatory when he had to cancel plans. It was almost too good to be true.

They rescheduled for the following week. And then Olivia called him ten minutes before 5 p.m. that Friday. It was about an hour before he was supposed to meet Sonny. He had been looking forward to taking an early night.

“Do you really need me, Liv?” Rafael asked in lieu of a greeting.

“Well, hello to you too.”

“Talk. I have plans.” He didn’t need SVU derailing them for a second week in a row.

“Relax. I just need a warrant.”

He let out a breath. “Send over what you have and I’ll get it in front of a judge.”

“Thanks, Rafa. Sending now.”

Rafael’s phone pinged because of an email. He glanced at the attachments. It was plenty of evidence for a warrant. “Working two Friday nights in a row? Your detectives must hate you.”

Olivia laughed. “Yeah, well. They’ll get over it. What are your plans?”

“A date.”

“Oh? The sports guy still?”

“You act like I can’t maintain a long-term relationship.”

“If you’ve been dating this long, you can at least tell me his name.”

“Yes, but then my air of mystery would disappear. I’ll send you the warrant when I have it. Should be quick.”

“Great. Thanks. And have a good night.”

“You too. Good luck.”

Rafael was in and out of the judge’s chambers in a couple minutes. He sent the warrant over to Olivia. He still had most of the hour to change and head to the restaurant. This night was going to be perfect.

 

* * *

 

When Rafael arrived at the restaurant, he started having second thoughts about their plans. While the establishment was still pretty small, it was admittedly more popular than the Italian place Sonny had taken him. And it was on a more crowded street. More prying eyes. More people to notice Sonny Carisi and the man he was with. Maybe they should have stayed in after all.

But Sonny didn’t seem wary. He happily greeted him with a hug when he arrived. Rafael melted into the hug without thinking about it.

“God. I missed you,” Sonny breathed as he pulled away.

Rafael laughed. “You don’t get to act like that. We talk every day.”

“Not the same as _seeing_  each other.”

“We Skype too.”

Sonny rolled his eyes. “Stop deflecting. You missed me too.”

Rafael smiled. “Yeah, I did.”

They walked inside and were seated quickly. Sonny frowned as he studied the menu. “For once in my life, I have no idea what to order.”

“Want me to order for you?”

He shrugged. “Why not? It’s your culture. You know it best out of the two of us.”

Rafael smirked and closed his menu. He knew exactly what to get him. When the waiter came by, he ordered completely in Spanish. Mostly to show off, but also to see what Sonny could pick up from the rapid-fire exchange.

“I have no idea what you ordered,” Sonny said when the waiter left.

“Good. Keeps the element of surprise.”

He smiled and leaned forward. “Speaking of surprises. You were in little league?”

“For a few years. I wasn’t very good.”

“Were you a pitcher or a hitter?”

“We didn’t have pitchers.”

“You quit early then? Why did you wait this long to tell me you played T-ball?”

“Like I said before. Wasn’t relevant.”

“When you’re with a baseball player. Sure. Totally irrelevant.” Sonny beamed at him. “You were just afraid I was going to tease you. Please tell me you have old pictures of you in uniform.”

Rafael rolled his eyes. “I’m sure my mother has them in a box somewhere.”

“I need to see adorable little Rafael with a baseball bat.”

He shook his head. “I’ll see what I can dig up.”

A flash of light caught his eye. Rafael looked over to find a young woman taking pictures with her phone. But she didn’t seem to notice him staring. She happily kept taking pictures of the restaurant. He relaxed. It was odd. Most of the time, Sonny distracted him from everything, including people around them in public. And now Rafael was suddenly paranoid that _six months in_  some fan would finally spot them. The data suggested otherwise. This was a special occasion. He should focus on being with Sonny and enjoy the moment.

Sonny reached a hand across the table to touch his. Rafael wrapped his fingers around his wrist and smiled. “I’m glad we’re doing this.”

“Me too.”

Their dinner arrived a few minutes later. The second Sonny’s dish hit the table, he was laughing. “I can’t believe you ordered this for me.”

Rafael smiled. “Since you didn’t get to experience arroz con pollo before, I thought you would appreciate the genuine article.”

“What did you get?” he asked while examining Rafael’s dish with voracious curiosity.

“Ropa vieja. One of my favorites.”

“Old…clothes?”

He chuckled. “The literal translation doesn’t do it justice. It’s a beef dish.”

“It does smell good.”

“You can try some later.”

“Okay.” Sonny picked up his fork and took a bite of his food. He groaned audibly, much like during their first date. Rafael couldn’t contain his smile. His enthusiasm never got old, like he had half-expected it would. “It’s pretty good. I love the flavors they put in here.”

“I picked well then.”

“Yep, but I’m definitely trying yours a little later.”

“Feel free,” Rafael said and finally took a bite of his food. He closed his eyes for a brief moment and savored the flavors. This dish always tasted like his childhood. One of the few happy things he had from that time.

They spent most of the dinner in good spirits, enjoying each other’s company. But the milestone sat in the back of Rafael’s head. Six months. And where were they? Still in hiding. Still a secret. This was their second ever date in public. Part of that was because they ended up meeting up too late to really do anything together. But he couldn’t help but wonder how much of it was because Sonny was afraid he would be outed. His family knew about his interest in men, but it stayed far away from his public image. While Sonny said he had a positive experience with his priest, Rafael also briefly wondered how much of the secrecy was tied to Catholic guilt. He needed to know where they stood.

Rafael was mostly done his meal and pushed his plate toward Sonny to try the rest. Sonny took a bite and nodded in approval. “More spicy, but good.”

“Glad you like it,” he replied. “I have a question.”

“Yeah?”

“Does anyone in your life know you’re seeing someone? Not the team necessarily but someone close to you.”

“Well, the team kinda suspected with all my texting, but that phone call solidified it for them. My family knows. I can’t hide anything from my sisters. I didn’t say your name, but they know I’m seeing a lawyer. Which gets mixed emotions.”

Rafael chuckled. “I’m sure. Maybe they’ll be more okay with it once they find out I’m a prosecutor.”

“Yeah maybe, but you still wear very nice suits. And you went to Harvard.”

“Like they can judge. You make millions a year.”

Sonny waved a hand. “But what about you? Have you told anyone?”

He paused to consider. “Three people I work with know for sure. Though I’m sure the rumor mill has spread it around. And my mother knows too. That’s about it. I prefer to keep my personal life separate from my work.”

“That’s fair, considering what you do. It’s nice to be able to take a break from that, I would imagine.”

“It is.” Rafael smiled. Sonny made him smile more than anyone else ever could. It was a small pocket of happiness he got to keep all to himself.

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t until they were standing out in the chilly October air that Rafael’s doubts resurfaced. Sonny ordered a serving of flan to-go so he could experience the complete Cuban culture. Rafael wasn’t a fan of the dessert, but he let him have his way. Sonny held his to-go bag in one hand and reached for Rafael’s hand with the other. Zero hesitation. No concerns about being caught. Rafael took it as they walked toward his apartment. Another reason he had selected this restaurant. It was in Rafael’s neighborhood — only a couple blocks away.

The nerves returned. It was unlikely paparazzi would appear out of the bushes, but the paranoia was still there. He couldn’t reconcile the secret nature of their relationship with Sonny’s complete willingness to show affection in public. Maybe at the beginning, it made more sense to keep it private, to keep away prying eyes. But six months was a big milestone in this day and age. Rafael couldn’t help but wonder what was next for them. More secrecy? He didn’t need a big press announcement. He just wanted to be able to discuss his boyfriend with people in his life without having to worry about outing Sonny. And he wanted Sonny to be able to share stories about him too.

Sonny may be comfortable with his sexuality, but Major League Baseball probably wouldn’t be. The last thing he wanted to do was drag Sonny’s career down with him. Rafael doubted he would come out while he was playing and he didn’t seem ready to retire. Rita was right. Essentially, Sonny _was_  closeted. And that was not something Rafael was looking for in a relationship. It felt like taking ten steps backward when he had been out for years. He loved Sonny, but he would never sacrifice his own well-being for a relationship. That was a clear red line.

Rafael still wasn’t sure why Sonny had stayed with him for this long. Maybe he enjoyed his company, enjoyed discussing the law. But was that really enough to justify a relationship? Was the distance apart making this more appealing? Pent up sexual frustration? If they could see each other more often, would they even have made it to six months? Ultimately, Rafael felt like Sonny was settling for him. He was a rich, star athlete. He could have anyone he wanted. Rafael didn’t see what made him so desirable. Sonny was still young. Rafael definitely wasn’t. He was incredibly out of his league.

The question was out before he could stop himself. “Where do you see this relationship going?”

Sonny squeezed his hand gently and smiled. “Wherever we want it to.”

“Really.”

He stopped walking and turned to face him. “Yes. I-I really like you, Rafael.”

Rafael shook his head and dropped his hand. “Do you _actually_ like me or am I just a fun side pice?”

Pure confusion crossed over Sonny’s face. “ _The hell_  are you talking about?”

“I thought Catholics weren’t supposed to curse,” he said for no reason at all. He had heard him curse plenty of times, just never in an entirely non-sexual situation.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he spat. “Answer my question.”

“I don’t know.” He sighed. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Do what?"

“This. Us. I don’t want to be your sexual experiment.”

He shook his head, eyes wet. “It’s not- It’s never been that. I _do_  care about you. A lot.”

“I know you think that but-”

“But what? Now you’re telling me about my own emotions?”

“We’re at completely different life stages. And in completely different circles. We shouldn’t be compatible.”

“But we _are_.” Sonny was looking at him earnestly, leaning down to make sure Rafael could see the look in his eyes. He actually believed this. Optimism to Rafael’s skepticism. Unrealistic expectations. Rafael wasn’t sure he could be with someone who had his head in the clouds.

“Maybe not.”

He stepped back. His right hand went to his hip. His left hand — his pitching hand — held the to-go bag in a death grip. “Six months, Raf. Six months and this is what we have to show for it?”

Rafael had never voiced to Sonny that this was their six-month celebration. It had only ever been explicitly about celebrating the off-season. It threw him that Sonny had been counting too. He had been keeping track. Rafael thought it was only himself doing it in his romantic desperation. But that didn’t change the truth.

“Maybe it only lasted this long because we barely ever see each other.”

“That’s how you really feel, huh?”

He didn’t say anything. Just met his eyes with a hard stare.

“Well then,” Sonny’s voice was hard, closed off. So was his face. For the first time since Rafael met him, he wasn’t smiling. There was no light in his eyes. “If that’s true, I guess we’re done. Have a good night, _Counselor_.”

Rafael didn’t respond as he watched him walk away. When he turned the corner, he continued walking the quarter block to his apartment. Alone.

When he walked into the lobby, he felt even more isolated. The last time Sonny had come over, they were already making out against the mailboxes. And then again in the elevator. Now, it was just him leaning against the wall as the doors closed.

Rafael even missed his warmth as he pulled out his key to unlock his door. He sighed as he stepped inside. His first move was to pour a glass of scotch. He drained it and poured another. His next move was to call Rita.

“You were right,” he said after he heard the call connect.

She immediately knew what he was talking about. “Are you okay?”

“Will be tomorrow.” He examined his glass, swishing the liquid around. After a few drinks, he would be right as rain.

“Are you drunk?”

“Getting there.”

“That’s a bad idea, Rafael.”

“Since when do I listen to you?” he snapped. If he had just taken her advice, he wouldn’t have poured six months of his life down the drain. He had to be blinded by love instead. Sonny cared for him, but this was never going to last. Rafael was relieved it was over. He could finally stop obsessing and worrying about whether or not Sonny was in it with him. But for now, he was bitter. Hadn’t he learned this lesson before? Why did he fall for it again?

“Do you want me to come over?”

“No. That’s also a bad idea.” He wasn’t in the mood for company.

“I’m sorry,” Rita said softly. She was genuinely concerned.

“Shouldn’t you be saying I told you so?”

“Just because I was right doesn’t make me happy about it.”

He sighed and ended the call. He wasn’t sure why he had even dialed her number. Maybe he wanted to hear someone else confirm it. The relationship was over. Even though he had expected this outcome, it was still surreal.

He took another sip of scotch.


	9. The Big Leagues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael wallows in his pain until another surprise hits him.

Rafael spent the rest of the weekend wallowing in self-pity. He did not contact anyone. He did not leave his apartment. He stayed in his office for the most part. It was the one room that he and Sonny never spent time in. The one room not tainted by the memories.

Saturday morning, while nursing his hangover, was devoted to removing Sonny Carisi from every aspect of his life. He deleted all of the sports-related apps from his phone. He unfollowed and blocked Carisi’s various social media accounts. Rafael spent a full hour on the phone trying to cancel his ESPN subscription. About 80 percent was spent on hold. The remaining 20 was spent telling various customer service reps that _No, he did not want another package or add-on. He just wanted to cancel his subscription._

“I don’t understand what’s so hard. It only took two minutes to get it. Just hit the damn cancel button,” Rafael snapped, at wit’s end.

“The process is a little more complicated than that, Sir,” the woman droned.

“ _I don’t care_. Do whatever you have to do. Cancel it.”

“Okay, Sir. Would you mind if I put you on a brief hold?”

“Yes, I would.”

“It’ll just be a moment. Thank you.”

The hold music was the worst part of the entire experience. It was a cheery, upbeat tune designed probably to calm customers. The notes just irritated him further. He jammed his finger on the end call button. If he had a landline, he would have slammed the handset down on the receiver. It was times like this that he wished flip phones were still in fashion. Tapping a virtual button wasn’t nearly as satisfying.

He could try again later. For now, there was one last thing he needed to do. Rafael navigated to his contacts and found Sonny’s entry. He tapped the delete button. A prompt appeared: _Are you sure you want to delete this contact?_

He paused. No. He really wasn’t. He wished there was a third option between “yes” and “no.” A “maybe later” or a “I don’t know.” That would better represent his feelings. The wound was still fresh. Half of him still hoped Sonny would call. Give him apologies and promises. Tell him those three little words. He had his number memorized. He would know it was Sonny if he called anyway. But deleting it from his phone felt final. The true end. He had spent the whole morning erasing him from his life. Yet this simple act seemed too extreme. He tapped “no” and set his phone down.

This was pathetic. Hesitating to delete the number. Hiding in his office. Hunting down every last piece of him in his life. But it was all to protect himself from pain. The pain only proved that he was right. He had invested too much, too soon. Everyone in his life had seen that. He had gone soft. Fallen in love. And Sonny hadn’t fallen with him.

Even in Rafael’s own apartment, every corner reminded him of Sonny. The kitchen was filled with his home cooking. The living room with his smiles and laughs. The bedroom with his breath and smell. He couldn’t even shower without being reminded of the moments they had shared under the spray. His closet held blue and orange clothing he had worn to honor him. Everything was related to him.

There was no avoiding it. He might as well act like a grown man and deal with it. This was _his_  apartment. _His_  place. He wouldn’t let Sonny Carisi take it away. But he still couldn’t bring himself to leave his office. The other rooms contained distractions he didn’t need.

The rest of the weekend, he focused on his work. At least there, things made sense. Everything was in order. Nothing happened that wasn’t called for. There was a process. The rule of law. It was calming. The law could be imbalanced or unjust, but he could work to counteract those things. He had a place. A purpose. He may not be so great at interpersonal relationships, but he was damn good at his job.

By Sunday night, he was feeling more like himself. More measured. More in control. It still hurt to walk around his apartment, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle. At least work wouldn’t be tainted by Sonny. Rafael decided to tuck in early and get a head start the next morning.

He woke to his alarm at 5 a.m. He was also greeted by two notifications. One was a text from Olivia, asking him to swing by later that day. The other was an email. A Google alert about Sonny Carisi. The one thing he had forgotten to disable. He had set it up after the pictures with his sister leaked. But that wasn’t what made the breath catch in his chest. It was the subject line: _Does New York Mets Pitcher Sonny Carisi Have A Boyfriend?_

He quickly tapped the link to the article. It was posted last night around nine — a couple hours after he had gone to bed. By LMZ. That guaranteed it was already viral. It was a speculative article based on picture evidence, just like before. Except this one was actually true. The photos were from their last date. One showed the hug Sonny had given him outside the restaurant. The other was an interior shot. They were holding hands on the table, smiling at each other. It was a punch to the gut. No one knew that just hours after these photos were taken, the relationship had ended. No one cared. All they cared about was that a famous athlete was now supposedly gay.

The photos weren’t high quality. They were taken from a distance and the first one was out of focus. These weren’t shot with professional equipment. A fan had probably seen them out together, snapped the pictures, and then turned around and sold them for profit. That would explain the delay. It took two whole days for these to be shared. Of course, they would shop the photos around for the best bid. Rafael despised humanity on a normal day, but today was exceptional. Why couldn’t people mind their own business? With politicians, at least this nosiness was logical. They were accountable to the public. But Sonny Carisi was not accountable to anyone except his team. And his performance had been solid throughout his entire career. Why did everyone feel like they needed to know everything about the lives of celebrities?

He went cold when he realized that _everyone_  did care — including the squad and people in the DA’s office. Surely they would recognize him in these pictures. If not the first one, then definitely the one inside the restaurant. How could he be expected to do his job when his coworkers would question him about his personal life? He considered calling in sick, but quickly dismissed the idea. That would be folding, giving up. Most people would probably be skeptical that it was even him in the photos. They would likely keep quiet about it. Whispers and stares he could handle. He had dealt with them in one form or another for his whole life.

He rolled out of bed and headed into his closet. He purposely picked an outfit that avoided the colors blue and orange. He ended up in a gray suit with a purple paisley tie.

Rafael walked into 1 Hogan Place with his head held high. No one did more than greet him as they normally did. Carmen wasn’t yet in the office. He typically arrived about an hour before she did. He liked to have time to himself in the morning. Thankfully, he got it. No one came barging in to confront him about the pictures. He spent an hour in peace organizing case files and editing the statements he had drafted over the weekend.

When Carmen arrived, she did nothing more than nod at him. As usual. If she had seen the photos, she didn’t comment on them. Rafael could always count on her to be sensible. She would never broach the topic unless he brought it up himself. It was irrelevant to their work.

He could not count on the same from the squad. When he checked in with them later that day, he would prepare for their reaction. He would dismiss their probing questions out of hand. But just hearing them would likely provoke an emotional reaction. He still had yet to heal completely.

Rafael was startled by his phone buzzing. His heart leapt as he picked it up. For a quarter of a second, he hoped it was Sonny. Instead, it was Rita calling. He sighed and answered — but only because she would continue to badger him if he ignored her.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said. “I’m fine. I’m working.”

“We can sue,” she replied with some anger. It felt nice to have someone in his corner, but it was unnecessary.

“For what?” Nothing LMZ had done had violated any law. The only damages he had were emotional. That was unless the DA suddenly decided to fire him for being bisexual — a fact he had been aware of since Rafael had transferred to Manhattan.

“Defamation. Libel. I don’t know. I’ll think of something.”

“Thanks for the support but we definitely don’t have a case.”

“Take care of yourself, okay?”

“I’m fine, Rita. Go back to work.”

He ended the call and turned back to his preparations for a motions hearing. He was due in court in less than an hour.

 

* * *

 

That afternoon, Rafael headed into the precinct with some trepidation. The squad was made up of major Mets fans. The photos were bigger news than Carisi’s false secret girlfriend. A professional baseball player being anything other than straight was unfortunately revolutionary.

Sonny probably had numerous press calls and Twitter mentions by this point. Rafael was a little surprised he hadn’t heard anything about an official statement from him. Surely, his agent and the team would want him to respond. The headlines were sensational, but rooted in truth. The photos proved that. It would probably be all Carisi would get asked about at his next press conference if it went unacknowledged. There was nothing in those photos that couldn’t be passed off as an interaction between friends. A simple categorical denial would solve his problems. But one hadn’t been published yet.

At least Rollins would have heard the news by this point. She seemed to follow the gossip. She would have seen the pictures. Seen him in them. Rafael steeled himself for the inevitable interrogation.

But none came. When he walked toward the squad, it was business as usual. They had all probably been too busy investigating real problems to have time to check the latest gossip fodder. For that, he was grateful. They could focus on what mattered.

“So we have _two_  suspects now?” Rafael asked after Olivia laid out the new evidence they had found that morning.

“Yeah,” Rollins said. “But I don’t buy Kerns for this. Seems to me he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“But he _was_  at the scene,” Fin said. “And he knows the victim.”

“Acquaintance rape is more common than strangers in back alleys,” Amaro argued.

“I know that,” Rollins said. “I still dis-” She suddenly stopped talking. Her eyes focused on something behind Rafael. She stood there, frozen.

Rafael turned to look. And he was frozen too.

Standing in front of them in all his glory was _the_  Sonny Carisi. Rafael couldn’t breathe. He looked good dressed mostly in dark tones. Black henley, black leather jacket, and navy jeans. His hair was barely brushed and windswept. Time stopped. Rafael forgot where he was. It had barely been three days since he had last seen him, but it felt like an eternity.

“Aren’t you Sonny Carisi?” Amaro asked. The first to get over the shock.

“Yeah, I am,” he replied with a hesitant smile.

“How can we help you?” Olivia’s tone was professionally neutral, but curious.

“Actually, I’m sorry. I’m here to talk to Rafael.” Sonny pointed to him.

He felt time speed up again. The entire squad turned their eyes on him, questioning. He ignored them. “Can we use your office, Liv?”

“Um. Yeah. Sure.” She frowned and nodded.

Rafael avoided everyone’s eyes as he walked toward her office. He didn’t even look back to see if he was following. Rafael lowered the blinds on the interior window as Sonny closed the door behind him.

Then, it was just the two of them alone once again. Rafael looked directly into his eyes and leaned against the desk. “Why are you here?”

Sonny tucked his hands into his pockets, looking sheepish. “You weren’t at your office. Your assistant pointed me here.”

He shook his head. “No. I mean. Why are you coming after me at all?”

“The pictures-”

“Yes. But why are you _here_? You can easily deny there was a relationship. There’s nothing too scandalous in those photos.”

“Is that what you want?” He asked softly. Rafael was met with the same hurt expression Sonny had worn two days before.

He looked away. It wasn’t fair that Sonny showed pain when he held all the cards. This whole thing depended on his decision. On what he was comfortable with. Rafael was just along for the ride. He sighed. If he were completely honest, he didn’t want to deny the relationship at all. He wanted to be with Sonny openly. With no shame. Nothing to hide. But he couldn’t see Sonny risking his career just for him.

“I don’t know,” Rafael replied.

“Yeah. So you said. You don’t know if you can continue this. Continue us.”

He nodded.

“Why not? What changed from last week? Why do you suddenly feel like you can’t trust me?”

He frowned. “This was never about trust.”

“You sure?” Sonny cocked his head. “You asked if you were a sexual experiment. You don’t trust me to be committed. To care about you. Why? What have I done to make you think that?”

Rafael stared at him. This was not what he had been expecting out of this confrontation. He expected Sonny to be angry with him. Maybe blame him for the photos leaking. Instead, he was concerned and hurt. He blamed himself. It must be something _he_  had done to make Rafael feel the way he did. In a way, it was. But was Sonny really at fault when Rafael didn’t try to talk to him in a rational state of mind?

“Don’t do that. It’s not your fault. Not really.”

“Then what is it?” He stepped closer. His eyes were shining. “Talk to me, Rafael. Please.”

He swallowed, suddenly nervous. “Would you have ever gone public with this, with us, if you didn’t have the choice ripped away from you?”

“You thought…” Sonny took a moment to examine him, brow furrowed. “You thought you were my dirty little secret. That’s why you thought we were keeping it quiet? You thought it was my Catholic guilt?”

“Maybe that was part of it. But there are also zero out players.”

He shook his head. “I would have gone public the second you asked.”

He paused. “You’re serious.”

“Yes. I care about you a lot. If that’s what it would take to make you happy, I would have done it.”

“You would risk your career? Your image? For me?”

“I would risk everything for you.”

He huffed a breath. How could he say that with a straight face? “Great sentiment. But why?”

“Why?”

“Why me?”

“Why you?” Sonny’s face softened and his eyes met his with a deep, genuine sincerity. “You’re incredibly handsome and intelligent and resourceful. You’re dedicated. You’ve worked _incredibly_  hard all your life. You could have taken a high-class defense attorney job or stayed in corporate law to make a bigger paycheck. But you didn’t. You decided to help people get justice instead. And you’re great at it. You’re _so_  passionate too. When you’re with me, it’s like nothing else exists. You can make me laugh in almost every situation, even when I’m upset. And your sarcasm? Well, there’s just no competition.”

Rafael was stunned. He really thought all of those things about him? Here he was, putting Sonny on a pedestal. He hadn’t been paying enough attention to realize that the other man was doing the same for him. It wasn’t about looks or an easy lay. It wasn’t an experiment or a dirty secret. Sonny genuinely cared for him.

“Look,” he continued. “The reason you picked a fight with me was because you weren’t sure if I was serious. Well, I am. I’m here for the long run, if you’ll have me.”

Rafael bit his lip. This was it. This was the moment that he could back away. He could make the hard choice that would protect himself. He could go home alone to be greeted by nothing more than a bottle of scotch. Or he could leave with a loving, doting person in his life. He would be risking his heart, but nothing in life was ever guaranteed. He had been so happy with Sonny. He was the light of his life. And from what he could tell, Rafael was the light of his. The risk was well worth it.

“Okay,” he said.

“Okay…what?”

“I want you, Sonny. All of you.”

He beamed. “So do I.”

Rafael couldn’t help but smile back. Sonny wrapped his arms around him. Their lips met. Rafael melted. His hands slipped underneath Sonny’s shirt to touch his skin. Sonny groaned and pulled him closer. Their bodies flush together. It was a desperate kiss full of longing. They had only been apart for two days, but they had crossed a chasm to arrive at this moment. The kiss broke when they ran out of air. They stood together, foreheads touching, panting.

“I love you,” Rafael murmured. Without thinking. It was the most natural thing he had ever said.

“I love you too,” Sonny replied breathlessly. “ _God_ , how much I love you.”

He laughed. “I still can’t believe you’re real.”

“Believe it, babe.”

He wanted to be lost in this moment forever. But that could never happen. His smile faded when he realized that they were still in Olivia’s office. In the precinct. And outside were four detectives with many burning questions.

Rafael sighed and slowly pulled away from him. “Time to go face the firing squad.”

Sonny chuckled. “I’m sure they’re not that bad. They’re all Mets fans.”

“That’s _exactly_  why they’re that bad.”

 

* * *

 

Every squad member looked over when Rafael exited the office. He walked toward the detectives, who were clustered around their desks. Sonny followed closely behind.

“Everyone,” Rafael greeted. “This is my boyfriend. Sonny Carisi.”

Sonny smiled and waved. “Hi. I’ve heard so much about you.”

Rafael scowled at him. He did not need the squad knowing how much he complained about them. They all introduced themselves. Sonny was warm and conciliatory throughout the exchange.

“Okay. We better get back to work,” Rafael said. “And I’m sure Sonny has some things to do too.”

“You are not getting away that easy,” Olivia said with a wry smile. “So _this_ is the sports guy? A professional baseball player?”

“The headlines weren’t lying then,” Amaro said as he leaned back in his chair.

“Yeah. How on Earth did you two meet?” Rollins added. “You _hate_  sports.”

“That’s how you scored those tickets you gave me,” Fin said. “You had an in.”

Sonny smirked at Rafael. “So you gave away my gift, huh?”

“I couldn’t go,” he replied. “I wasn’t going to let them go to waste.”

“My son and his partner enjoyed the game a lot,” Fin said. “So thanks.”

Sonny grinned. “You’re welcome. I’m glad they had fun.”

“Did we all forget we have jobs to do?” Rafael asked.

“Don’t be rude, babe,” Sonny teased. “You have to work with these people.”

He huffed a breath. They didn’t need to know the details of his dating life. Except for Olivia, they probably only wanted to know because he was dating a public figure. He didn’t much feel like satiating their unnecessary curiosity.

Amaro laughed. “He’s rude to us on a daily basis.”

“Only when you don’t do your job,” Rafael retorted.

“Okay, okay.” Sonny raised a hand to keep the peace and then gestured to Rollins. “Amanda, was it?” She nodded with a small smile. “We met in a coffee shop. Very meet-cute, I know. I was checking out Fordham’s law program that day so I was in the area.”

“You want to go to law school?” Rollins asked. “Well, that explains why you get along with Barba.”

“It’s not like we only talk about the law and baseball,” Rafael grumbled.

“Yeah, true,” Sonny said. “We barely talk about baseball at all because he understands none of it.”

“I know enough to follow a game.”

“So does every eight-year-old. It’s not that impressive.”

“I subscribed to and watch ESPN for you.”

Fin laughed. “How long has this been going on? You two are already arguing like a married couple.”

Sonny didn't look away from Rafael as he answered. “Six months.”

Rafael couldn’t help but smile. It had really been six months. Best six months of his life. He was so very grateful that Sonny took him back.

“Oh my God. Y’all are so cute,” Rollins gushed with a wide smile. “I need to find these pictures Fin was telling us about.”

Rafael raised an eyebrow at Fin. “You saw them and didn’t say anything?”

He shrugged. “Not my business. I only brought them up because Carisi walked in here.”

“I only saw the headline,” Amaro said. “I don’t care for celebrity gossip. Though I was not expecting _you_  to be the secret boyfriend.”

“I’m glad you’re happy, Rafael,” Olivia offered. “And it’s nice to finally meet you, Sonny.”

“Yeah,” Rollins said. “You should bring him by more often.”

“Don’t listen to her,” Rafael stage-whispered to Sonny. “She’s a Braves fan.”

Sonny laughed. “Well, I should get going. I’m sure you all have important work to do.”

“Yes, we do,” he agreed.

“Play nice.” He gave him a kiss on the cheek. “See you tonight?”

“Let me know when you’re free.”

He smiled and nodded. Rafael watched as he sauntered out of the precinct without a care in the world. Sonny really did have a great ass. And it was only further accentuated in those jeans.

His attention was pulled back to the squad by Rollins laughing. “Wow. You got it bad, Counselor.”

“Like you wouldn’t be flirting with him if he wasn’t taken,” Amaro said.

“Yeah, well. It seems he only has eyes for Barba anyway.”

“Don’t we have a case?” Rafael reminded. He had let the conversation go on long enough. Sonny was too kind to shut them down, but Rafael had long since reached the breaking point of his co-workers discussing his personal life. “Is there anything you need from me?”

“Yeah,” Fin said. “We have enough for a warrant for Kerns’s apartment.”

“Great. Give me what you have.”

 

* * *

 

Rafael returned to his office a few minutes later. Carmen greeted him with a big smile. Despite himself, he returned it.

“You had to tell him where I was?”

She shrugged. “He seemed pretty anxious to talk to you. Considering the headlines, I figured it was urgent.”

“Thank you, Carmen.” And he really meant it. If she had stonewalled Sonny, they probably would not have rekindled anything. And Rafael would still be wallowing in his self-pity and doubt. The person he was now was completely different from the one he was that morning. Carmen knew to respect his boundaries, but she also knew to break them when they would be in his way. That’s why she was the best.

“You’re welcome, Rafael. Also, you have a meeting with Calhoun in an hour.”

He nodded and went into his office. Rita had been on his schedule since Friday, but now the conversation would be entirely different. He would still likely shoot down her plea deal offer. But he also had good news to share. He could shove his happy relationship in her face. Ultimately, she was wrong. Sonny hadn’t broken his heart. Rafael had broken his. And then Sonny had repaired it all.

Rafael focused on his case files to pass the time until Rita’s appointment. But about half an hour later, she came bursting into his office.

“Turn on your TV,” she demanded.

“Everything okay?”

“Carisi is holding a press conference.” She found the TV remote, hit the power button, and flicked through the channels.

He was momentarily stunned that Sonny had set up a press conference so quickly. But considering that reporters followed the teams around constantly, it didn’t seem too hard to pull off.

And then he smirked. Rita didn’t know they were back together. He could have a little fun with her. It was the least she deserved for stoking his doubts for the past few months.

She settled on a sports channel that was broadcasting the event live. “I’ll bring some ice cream over to your place tonight.”

He snorted. “I usually go with scotch for breakups.”

“Yes. I know. It’s a bad habit. You need to experience the Ben and Jerry’s treatment.”

“I really don’t.” But now he was focused on the screen as Sonny was introduced. He wondered what he would say. He would likely confirm the story. He _did_  have a boyfriend. But Rafael also wondered if he would announce his retirement. Sonny was thinking about going to law school anyway. The timing would work out. But he hadn’t breathed a word to him about leaving the team during their entire relationship. Sonny loved baseball. Rafael couldn’t imagine him giving up his life-long passion.

And then Sonny walked up to the small lectern flooded with microphones. He smiled broadly at the cameras. “Hi, everyone. I’m going to give a short statement and then I’ll take some questions, okay?”

Rita huffed, offended on Rafael’s behalf. But Sonny was never _pretending_  to be nice. He was genuinely that caring. He was probably incredibly nervous to have all this attention on him, considering he kept his sexuality a secret for his entire career.

“First,” Sonny continued. “I want to confirm that these rumors are true. I do have a boyfriend.” What sounded like a hundred camera shutters went off all at once. “I’m bisexual.” A _thousand_  cameras snapped the photo of the decade. A professional baseball player had just come out. This was big news. Rafael was filled with pride. This was an incredibly brave thing to do. “For the record, that doesn’t mean I’m secretly gay. I am attracted to both men and women. Though I am currently very much in love with my boyfriend.”

Rafael could feel Rita staring daggers at him. He turned to her with a smile. “Yes. We’re back together.”

“Since when?”

He checked his watch just to annoy her further. “About two hours ago.”

“You don’t have to be petty.”

“Well, you were wrong. He loves me. You just heard him say it.”

“Has he told _you_  that?”

“Yes, he has.”

“Okay then. I stand corrected. I have no idea about his career though.”

“You worry about your own career. He’s fine.”

“Oh, he is  _very_  fine. I’m still jealous.”

“As you should be.”

She shook her head and turned off the TV. Rafael didn’t protest. He didn’t need to hear reporters badgering Sonny with questions about their relationship. He would catch up on what happened later.

“So,” he said, “how about this plea deal?”

 

* * *

 

Rafael had just stepped out of his Uber in front of Sonny’s apartment that night when his phone rang. He shuffled his box of flan from his right hand to his left and pulled out his phone from his breast pocket.

It was his mother. She had likely heard the news and seen the photos. Rafael couldn’t believe he had forgotten to call her earlier. She probably had a billion and one questions.

He answered as he stepped off into a small side alley. “Hi, mami.”

“Rafi! How do you not tell me you’re dating a baseball player?”

“We were keeping it quiet when I told you I was seeing someone.”

“What? You think _tu madre_  would leak to the press?”

“No. Of course not.”

“Is this because he plays for the Mets? Because that’s okay, mijo. It would be better if he played for the Yankees, but I can live with it.”

He laughed. She wasn’t upset that he was with a man. She was disappointed that his man played for the wrong team. “Thanks. I appreciate that.”

“He’s very cute though. Bring him over sometime, will you?”

“ _Sí, por supuesto._  I’ll ask him about it.”

“ _Muy bien._ Are you busy?” She probably heard the cars rushing past in the background. This wasn’t the quietest spot, but he didn’t want to have this conversation in the lobby of the building. The doorman at least would recognize him.

“I’m outside his apartment right now, actually.”

“What are you doing talking to your mother? Go. Enjoy yourself. We can talk later.”

“Okay, mami. _Te quiero_.”

“ _Te quiero también. Adiós._ ”

“Bye.” He ended the call. He smiled as he tucked his phone back into his pocket. His mother approved. She barely knew Sonny but she seemed happy for her son. That was all he could ask for.

When he walked into the building, the doorman gave him a smile and a nod. Rafael returned the gesture. He had never felt lighter. Now he fully understood the phrase “walking on air.” For the first time in a long time, he felt like everything was going to be alright. There would be more hardships and challenges ahead. That was life. But as long as he had Sonny, everything would work out.

Rafael grinned when Sonny opened his door. “I brought some flan.”

Sonny laughed. “I already had some a couple days ago. It was pretty good.”

“Yes, but this is happy flan.” He walked through the doorway, set the box on the table, and flipped open the lid. “This is celebration flan.”

Sonny closed the door and came to stand next to him. “What are we celebrating?”

“You being the first ever openly bisexual player in Major League Baseball.”

“No.” He shook his head. “We’re celebrating us.”

He smiled. “Both.”

“Okay.” He retrieved plates and silverware from the cabinet.

Rafael accepted the knife Sonny handed him and cut two portions. He carefully plated them and then sat at the table. Sonny sat next to him. His thigh leaned against his.

After his first bite, Sonny spoke again. “I thought you didn’t like flan.”

“I’m not a fan, but I can enjoy it from time to time. How is it a celebration if I’m not eating too?”

“Fair point. I like it, for the record.”

“Good to know.”

They sat and ate in silence for a few moments.

“You didn’t consider retiring?” Rafael asked. He had caught up on the rest of the press conference. Most headlines declared that Sonny planned to play after he came out publicly. A lot of sites declared it to be revolutionary. Some were skeptical if Sonny would get any play time. According to them, a lot of baseball fans weren’t accepting. Rafael was more worried about the other players. How would his teammates feel about Sonny being in the locker room now that they knew he was attracted to men?

“Nah. I’m not ready yet. Still have quite a few seasons left in me.”

“I know. I just meant…considering that you’re out now.”

He shrugged. “I’ve had a mostly positive response from my teammates. They all already know me. So it’s not like I’m _that bi player_. Both the GM and the team owner came to me personally and said they’re still happy to have me on. I don’t think it’ll be an issue."

“Okay. That’s good to hear.”

Sonny smiled. “But really, I would have stayed even if I didn’t have that support. I’m a role model. And now that it’s out that I’m bi, it’ll give so many people hope.”

Rafael beamed. Of course, Sonny would think of others before himself. He would think about all the kids who were growing up watching and playing baseball. All of them looking up to him. He was the best demonstration of leading by example. Sonny would never be involved in any trashy scandal. He donated a lot of his salary to charity. He lived humbly and cared about others. He was the most perfect role model Rafael could think of for anyone. And he was his.

“I’m so proud of you, Sonny.” He took his hand and squeezed gently.

“Thank you. I’m proud of you too.”

He stared. Nothing he had done had been remarkable. “For what?”

“You showed me off to your friends. I know you don’t like talking about your personal life. That was a big step.”

“Not as big as what you did.”

Sonny put his other hand on top of their clasped ones. “It was for you.”

Rafael shook his head. “You are unreal.”

He laughed. “You keep saying things like that, but I promise I’m totally a real person.”

He smirked. “Not sure about that. You’re too good.”

“Okay then. I’m the unreal person who is about to kiss you senseless.”

His heart skipped a beat as Sonny leaned down. Rafael met him halfway, opening his mouth hungrily. Rafael’s fingers tangled in his hair. Sonny slipped his tongue past his lips. Rafael moaned and responded in kind. He felt warm hands slide under his jacket and start to tug his shirt free.

Rafael pulled back with a laugh. “Eager, aren’t we?”

“Incredibly. You ruined my plans, you know. Before you started that fight, we were going to have some flan and then I was going to seduce you.”

“Well, no time like the present.”

Sonny pressed his forehead against his and sighed. “Bedroom?”

“Yes.”

He would never say no to this man. This amazing man who had somehow decided to be his. He was beautiful and clever and humble. The most compassionate and empathetic person he had ever met. He was a dork with amazing muscle definition. And he had forgiven him for making possibly the worst mistake of his life. Sonny was perfect. Rafael was never going to let him slip away again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is the end! I can't believe it's over. But this isn't the last of this AU. I'm planning a few one-shots set in this verse. Follow the series this story is a part of to get updates. :D


End file.
